Saturday, December 22, 2007

This story is amazing

We all have talents are you putting yours to good use? Q

Saturday, December 15, 2007

It is that serious

A few weeks ago I went to Target to get some more hair crack, I mean pantene relaxed and natural hair mask. To my surprise they were on sale but unfortunately, they were sold out. Off I went to another Target and they were sold out there. I went to the register and chatted up with this girl who was 6'4" and got a rain check for 9 of them. I would go to Target and check at least once a week and still no hair masks. I was getting a little worried because I only have a little left.

Today I went to finish up my x-mas shopping across town where I usually don't go. The store I went into was crowded but I noticed a Target and decided to go in there. First I check to make sure I had my rain check receipt and then headed to the hair aisle. I am walking fast almost running. My palms are sweating and my heart is racing. My eye catches a glimpse of some brown products. I move in closer and see a small jar. Then I see another one and another one. I look around trying to find a cart, a basket or something. At first I was just going to try to carry them all. Finally I found a basket and ran back over. I did a quick count and guess what, they had 9 available. I put them in my cart and headed to check out.

A little girl in front of me looked and I gave her the "and what" look. I gave the cashier my rain check receipt and she said "this is for 9." I said, "yes I have 9 right there." She smiled and I told her "you just don't know how good this stuff is and it is hard to find." I left feeling good.

Yall just don't know how good this stuff is for my hair. I can't speak for anyone else and it may not work for you but I was tempted to get a texturizer because detangling was becoming too much. Now that I use this mask, I am in hair heaven and I know I will be a natural for life!!! Q

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Happy Birthday Thomas

My honey turned 31 today. You are the best husband in the world and I love you very much!!! Q

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Party pics

Yup she picked out her outfit today also. It was drama today but I survived!!! Q

Happy Birthday Destiny

My baby Destiny turned 7 today. She is beautiful, smart, kind, and I love her so much. Enjoy your day baby!!! Q

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

No words

Just senseless!!! Q

Friday, November 23, 2007

More hair

Today I washed and braided my oldest 2 daughters hair. They both have very different textures. Destiny's pattern is a little looser and her hair tends to get dry quicker. Bria's hair is just like mine, enough said. On top of that Bria is tender headed so it takes about 3-4 hours depending on the style to wash and braid their hair. Here are 4 pics.

This is Bria's hair stretched to show the length.

This is her hair up close so you can see the texture.

This is Destiny's hair stretch.

I ended up putting their hair in box braids.

My hair dresser washed, blow dried, flat ironed and braided Kaliyah's hair for me. She has very soft and wavy hair. Here is a pic.

It is a chore doing all three but the hard work it paying off. Q

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving

I am so thankful for God blessing me to see another day.
For all of my friends and family.
For my life, health, and strength.
For all the blessings I have.
I know it didn't have to be this way and I am thankful for everything including all of you who read this.
I took some pics as I was cooking so I could do some step by step tutorials. Here is a pic of some of the food I cooked. The sweet potato pies, the buttermilk biscuits, and the pineapple cream cheese frosting are missing from the pic. I was too tired to take another on. I love all of you!!! Q

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Haters are some of the most important people in your life

I want to say thank you to my haters. Some people would suggest I ignore them but I want to say how important they have been to me and my life.

Thank you:
To the so called friends who lied on me.
To the people who talked about me.
To the people who used me.
To the ones who said I would never be anything.
To the ones who doubted me.
To the ones who spoke ill about me.
To the ones who tried to kill my spirit.
To the ones who abused me.
To the ones who wished the worst for me.

Thank you.
If it wasn't for you, I never would have hit rock bottom.
If it wasn't for you, I never would have cried.
If it wasn't for you, I never would have realized how much I needed God.
If it wasn't for what you did, I never would have gotten saved.
If it wasn't for you, I never would have realized the greatness that was in me.
If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be where I am today.
I wouldn't be a great mother, a great wife, a great friend.
You taught me how not to be.
You made not want to be anything like you.
I am everything you are not and the best is yet to come.

To all of my haters....

Sunday, November 04, 2007

I'm pretty already

I read something that made me think of something funny that happened with Bria. One day I took her to the hair salon to get her hair washed and trimmed. I was up first and when my beautician called her so she can sit in the chair, Bria replied "why, I'm pretty already". She was only 3 years old at the time but it is still funny to me to this day.

Her statement was so simple but so true. She was completely happy with the way she looked and thought we were crazy to want to do something extra. In life sometimes we just try to do too much to feel accepted. No I am not saying we shouldn't take care of ourselves, pamper ourselves, or do things to make us feel good. We should not do things for the sake of other people. If you are a good person deep down, show respect and love for others, and treat people the way you want to be treated and people still won't accept you, then it is their loss. You are already pretty just the way God made you!!! Q

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Steps for a beautiful braid out

One of my favorite styles to wear as a natural is a braid out. You basically braid your hair and then later unbraid it leaving it with a wavy texture you can style as you like. I use good quality products like Envia from Melaleuca. But I have also found some products you can find at Walmart, Target, or Walgreens that work very well. For my last braid out, I used these products.

They are a bone comb which you can get from ebay or another online store. I will post some links later. These are handmade combs that don't have seams that can damage your hair. I have 3 in different sizes.

Next is The Palma Christi Castor Oil. I got this from Vitamin Cottage but you can probably get it from any health food store.

Then there is Suave humectant shampoo that I picked up from Walmart.

Finally there is Pantene relaxed and natural deep conditioning hair mask.
Here is step by step of how I did it.
1) I put my hair in 4 loose braids and slathered each one with about 2 T of castor oil and let it sit for 10 minutes. This keeps my hair from being stripped during washing and it somehow helps with detangling. I don't know how but it works

2) I wash my hair while it is still in the loose braids first. Then I open one braid at a time, wash, rinse, and rebraid.

3) I wring some of the water out and then open each braid, slather on the hair mask, making sure to concentrate on my ends and rebraid. I let that sit for 10 minutes sometimes with a shower cap on.

4) I like to use the shower to rinse because the force of the water helps with detangling. I use my fingers to work through each braid, rinse the hair and rebraid.

5) I wrap my hair in a towel to catch the moisture. Then I open each braid at a time, section off some hair, detangle with my comb from the ends up, reapply some more castor oil and braid. I do that all over until I have about 12-16 braids over my entire head. I put a little more oil on the ends, put on my scarf and go to sleep.

6) The next day, I take out the braids and style it.

Let me know if you have any questions. Here is some pics of my last braid out. Q

Birthday party pics

Bria and Kaliyah had their parties this weekend. Bria had a high school musical theme and Kaliyah had a princess theme. I made the cakes according to their themes. Just so yall know, Bria picked out her outfit!!! Q

Friday, October 26, 2007

Dear Mama

I was talking to a friend on the phone the other night and she asked me if I would put all of my life experiences out here in the blog world or in the book I am writing. I told her I would love to but at the same time I am cautious. Not because of how others would view me but how what I reveal would affect those who are closest to me specifically my mom.

My mom and I have a strong yet dramatic relationship. We have had some serious ups and downs but through it all, I know that she loves me. I know she has a little bit of guilt about the way things turned out in my life. I know she wishes she could have done things differently and made better choices. But I also know she has always wanted nothing but the best for me.

The good and the not so good I saw in her life, made me the person I am. Meaning the things that were good, I wanted for myself. The things that were not so good, I tried my best to avoid. From her eyes she probably only focuses on the not so good. But it is the lessons we get out of experiences that matter. I don't want to type, print, or post something to make her feel even more guilty. It's like Mary J. Blige once said "I forgive for everything but I blame you for nothing".

My mom is a beautiful, strong, intelligent, determined, a little crazy, but caring woman. All I am, and all I will be is because of her and the love she gave me and she continues to give. Mom don't ever feel bad or guilt about the past because it is what it is. Instead look at the present and the future and all the wonderful blessings that have come our way. I love you and although you drive me crazy, you are the BEST Mom in the entire world and I couldn't imagine my life without you. I LOVE YOU!!! Q

Monday, October 22, 2007

My hair my glory

I went natural in November 2001. The pic I have for this blog is my last picture of my relaxed hair. It has been a journey but I am happy with my hair right now. I will post more in the coming days about how I care for my hair and the products I use. Yesterday I washed, blow dried, and had my hair flat ironed. Here are 2 pics. The first shows it blow dried. The 2nd was taken today. As you can see after church, traveling back from Phoenix, and work today, it is not as straight but oh well. Enjoy!!! Q

Here is the link to my fotki the password is member. Click on Hair Album 2007 to see the pics of my hair. Q

Happy Birthday Kaliyah!!!

My baby turned 5 today which means next year she will be in kindergarten. Yay for me and her. Mommy loves you Li Li!!! Q

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Deal$ and Steal$

It all started yesterday when I went to Target to get some of that pantene hair mask. It was originally $4.84 and the girl accidentally gave me the $2.00 off coupon for it. I had heard great reviews and wanted to try it because I am going to press my hair this weekend. I should have ran back in and got another jar but I will test it out first.

Next I went to a store to get some boots. I got a pair that was originally $60.00 for under $29.00 with tax. They are the shorter boots in the picture below.

Then today I decided to stop by this other shoe store after I went to Sally's (I got the fermodyl 619 for BOGO). I was looking for some tall black boots. I wear a size 11 so I was getting discouraged until I went in the back and noticed a pair I like. I was going to post cursing all the small footed women. It had 3 different prices on it. The original price was $79.99. Then it had $65.00. Then another sign said $45.00. I took them to the register and asked the guy for the price and he said $45.00 and I said I'll take them. I used my debit card and he asked for my i.d. The first one on top was my military one and he said you know we also give a 15% military discount? I was cheesing like a kid in the candy store. I got those boots for less than $42.00 with tax and everything.

Oh and the icing on the cake for me is, I finally finished my taxes and instead of paying we are getting money back. We both are getting half and it is a nice chunk too. Yup and that is what I am going to use for x-mas gifts and the rest I will spend on me. If only you could see how hard I am cheesing right now. Q

Young and dumb

After everything I went through with L.A., you would think I became smarter and wiser in my choices of men. But no you are wrong. I never let anyone put their hands on me like he did but I continued to make bad choices when it came to men. I often wonder why. I know it has to do with the fact that I didn't have a male figure to look up to. One that could show me how a man was supposed to treat a woman. Also there was just a lack of love for myself, and my soul was just empty. I was looking for others to fill it when they were just as empty themselves.

I can look back and see how young and dumb I was. I now know to never look for someone to complete me because if they leave, does that make me incomplete? Even now I love my husband but I don't have the same kind of blind trust or faith in him like I do for the Lord. Because just like me, he is human and can and will make mistakes. I don't take him for granted because I know he is awesome but the only person I can trust without a shadow of doubt, is the Lord. He loved me when no one else could or would. He loved me when I didn't love myself. He loves me more than I could ever love myself.

I am grateful for all of the stuff I did when I was young and dumb because it all brought be back to where I needed to be. All of it made the person that I am today. I thank God everyday that I made it out all my mess alive, stronger, and somewhat sane (hey we all got a little crazy in us). Next year I will be 30 years old. I have been married longer than I have been in my 20's because Thomas and I make 10 years in July. Some people thought I was way to young but when they hear all the stuff I went through, they know I already lived a full life. I don't know what story I am going to post next but hopefully whichever one it is, it will give you another glimpse of my life and show you just how blessed I am to be here today. Q

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I wonder (The conclusion)

My best friend looked at me with fear in her eyes too. She said "if he kills you, he is going to have to kill me too". Then we tried to act normal and walk past him with our head down even though we knew he had seen me. Someone grabbed my arm and I turned quickly to face him. Just then my best friend jumped in front of me and said "hey L.A. what's up?". He nodded at her and smiled all the while trying to go around her to get to me. "Where you been?" she asked. "Oh I got locked up on some stupid sh*t but I am back out now", he responded. Then he looked at me and said "come here". I said "no". "Come here I said I just want to talk to you". By now he is following me as I walk around my best friend trying to avoid him. We both noticed that he was moving slow and stumbling.

She turned to him and said "L.A. what's wrong with you, are you drunk?" "Yeah I just drunk some Saint Ides and Mad dog 20/20" and then he laughed. Then he said to my friend "tell your girl to come here so I can talk with her. I promise I will leave her alone if she just talks to me". She said "L.A. whatever you can say to her you can say to me" as she continued to stand in front of me. Just then I stepped to the side of her and said "what do you have to say?" He laughed and said "oh you are bold now huh, I like that. I always liked that about you, you are the only one that would fight me back". "I miss you do you miss me?" "No", I said. "I still love you, do you love me?" "No I don't." "So what you got another n*gga or something?' he asked. "Yes I do" I said hoping that would care him off. Then all of a sudden the rage returned to his eyes and he was coming towards me, I stepped to the side and he stumbled past me. His fist just barely missed me.

He was now behind us so we both turned around to face him with our fists up ready to fight. He took another swing and missed. Then he launched towards me and was able to grab me and put me in a bear hug. "Get off of me I yelled." "I love you, why don't you love me?" My best friend is trying to get him off of me and at the same time he is kissing me all over my face. I was able to break free and push him off. "You are crazy" I yelled. "I know" he said as he smiled. "L.A. I swear if you put your hands on me, I am going to jail tonight. I am sick of this sh*t and I am sick of you. You call yourself a man. Men don't put their hands on women. How would you like it if someone put their hands on your sister or your mother? So you do what you gotta do and let's get this over with. I ain't afraid to die", I told him.

I must have looked and sounded crazy because my best friend was in shock and he just stood there looking and thinking. Then he said "forget you, I got another girl who gives it up to me anyway so you ain't worth my time." "Well if you have moved on and I have moved on, why are you standing here bothering me? Go on to your new girl then. You move on with your life and I will move on with mine." He said nothing but just stared with his eyes red as if he was still trying to decide what to do. "Let's go" I said to my best friend. We turned to walk away all the while I am scared hoping, praying that he doesn't run up and stab me from behind or shoot me. But I knew I had to be strong because as long as he thought I feared him, he would continue to terrorize me.

We slowly walked taking big steps farther and farther away from him. When we got to the corner to cross the street we turned to see the tall, slender, figure with dreads walking in the other direction. We both sighed and then ran like heck. That was the last time I seen or heard from L.A.

I wonder whatever happened to him.
I wonder if he went to jail or if he was killed.
I wonder if he ever got over the issues that made him do the things he did.
I wonder how many other girls fell victim to him.
I wonder what would have happened to me if I would not have stood my ground.
I wonder.... Q

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I wonder (continued)

It had been 3 weeks since I had heard or seen L.A. The scar on my finger was healed but I was still trying to deal with it all. Everyday I lived in fear. I would come home and quickly get to the apartment. My best friend lived one floor below mine and I would make her come up and get me so I could visit her. Soon I began to let my guard down. I figured I was off his radar but I wasn't.

The phone rang "Hello" I answered. The voice said "You think I forgot about you but I haven't. One day when you least expect it you are going to be walking to your building. I am going to walk up behind you and slit your throat. Or maybe I will break into your house and rape you. Or it might be easier for me just to use you as target practice for my new gun". I cried and asked him "why, why can't you just leave me alone". "Because I love you" he said. He laughed and told me crying wasn't going to make him feel bad, and then he hung up. I stopped answering the phone and then he started sending messages by my friends.

"L.A. told me to tell you he loves you"
"L.A. says he misses you"
"L.A. wants you to call him"
"L.A. says stop avoiding him"
"L.A. says if he catches you with another n*gga he is going to kill both of you"

For 3 months I lived in fear. During that time I saw him when I was outside my apartment building sitting on the stoop. My mom was with me and he saw her but didn't say anything. Instead he just smiled and made a slashing motion against his throat and just pointed. He made one last attempt to call me and get back together but by this time, I was fed up. "If you are going to kill me go ahead and do it already. I am sick of this and I am sick of you". He laughed and thought I would back down but I didn't. "Just know that I won't go down without a fight", I told him and I hung up. I decided then I was going to get my life back. I think he enjoyed scaring me and I was giving him just what he wanted. Deep down I was still a little scared but you couldn't tell on the outside.

One day my best friend told me she had heard L.A. was locked up for attempted murder. I felt as sense of relief. I had already gotten back on with my life but hearing that made me cry. I was overcome with so much emotion of all the mess he had put me through. The strange thing is, I also felt a little sad for him. What I haven't told is the story he told me about how messed his life was. About how horrible his father was to him, his mom, and his sister. About all the messed up stuff that was said and done to him that ultimately made him the person he had become. It was easy to hate the person who did such horrible things to me but I still cared for the little boy I knew lived deep inside of him. So I was torn. Yes I was happy he was away but yet sad.

One day, almost 6 months after I had last seen or heard from him, my best friend and I are walking down the street on our way to the store. We see this tall, slender figure with dreads stumbling walking towards us. She looked at me and I looked at her and we both thought "no it can't be". But it was and before I could turn around and run he saw me and was coming straight for me..... (Coming up, the final confrontation) Q

Hey everybody, thank you so much for reading this story. I have been getting a lot of emails about this and wanted to provide some background info. Yes, this is a true story. Yes the girl in the story is me. I have been wanting to share this for some time now but never got around to it. I wasn't able to post it in it's entirety because just the thought and the memories of what happened drained me emotionally.

I am hoping this story will help others, especially young girls who might find themselves or a friend in a similar situation. Thankfully I came out of this alive and well but others have not been so lucky. Love doesn't hurt and if someone hurts you, or if you start to see signs, LEAVE!!! My biggest mistake was not getting out of the situation sooner. The final part of this story will be posted tomorrow. Thanks again Q

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I wonder

I was only 13 years old when I met him. He was tall about 6'2", slender build, dreads, and gorgeous hazel eyes. His nickname was L.A. because that's where he was from. He had only lived in New York for a few years and already had a name for himself. I was drawn to him. There was something so mysterious and dark about him that intrigued me.

I would sneak to my best friend's house to talk to him on the phone or wait until my mom was at school. I wasn't allowed to have boys call the house just yet. It was cool because my best friend was dating his friend so I would just go hang with her and we would meet them. I knew he was no good but yet I felt drawn to him.

At first I thought it was cute when he would get jealous. I thought it meant that he really liked me. Soon it became irritating but I just brushed it off. Everyone thought I was crazy to be with "him" but I loved it. Even the way he kissed me was weird. It was hard, but yet passionate at the same time. It never went any further but I was tempted.

Soon the jealousy grew and grew. I couldn't talk to or hang out with my guy friends. He had to know what I did, who I was with, and would get mad when he couldn't talk to or see me. I got fed up and said "you are crazy" to which he replied, "I know and if you try to leave me, I will kill you." I became scared. I tried to break it off but he wouldn't let me go. Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into. So I stayed, just to keep him happy, just so I could feel safe.

It was a Tuesday night and we sat on the staircase. I told him, I didn't think we should stay together. At first he was angry but then said "you are right, this is getting crazy". I felt relieved that he took it so well. We even laughed and joked so I thought everything was okay. I was wrong. "I want to play a game" he said. "Okay" I replied. He took out a small pocket knife. "What are you doing", I asked. "Nothing just hold your hand out and let me show you a trick", he said. I hesitated but those hazel eyes got to me. I spread my fingers out and he quickly started sticking the knife on the staircase in between my fingers. Then without even looking he said "so you are breaking up with me huh"? "Yes" I replied then bam, he hit my middle finger with the knife. Just enough to break the skin but not through the bone. I pulled my hand back in pain and looked at him. He smiled and said "you are mine forever". Suddenly those eyes I loved look so evil.

My instinct kicked in and I pushed him back. He went flying down the stairs backwards. I was scared but knew I had to try to get out of here. He jumped up quickly and came rushing at me with this fist. Punch!!! Right into my stomach. I bent over in pain and called for my friend to help. He picked me up and slammed me down barely missing my head. He stood over me looking and as my friend and boyfriend ran up and grabbed him, I ran as quickly as I could back home.

I sat in my room crying, scared, shocked at what just happened. My mom was still at school. My phone rang and rang and I knew it was him. I finally answered and he said "I'm sorry, I love you". The pain I was feeling wouldn't allow me to feel sympathy. "It's over", I said. "That's what you think" said the voice on the other end. The next couple of days were crazy. I was constantly looking over my shoulder and avoiding his calls. Then one night I looked outside my window and there he was standing on the corner, smiling, looking right back at me. I thought I was imagining it but my best friend saw him too. After a few weeks, the calls stopped, the visits stopped and I figured he had moved on to his next victim. I was wrong....

To be continued.... Q

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Album Review: Bac of My Lac- J Holiday

Thanks to Letitia, I decided to start reviewing the albums I have purchased as of late. I wanted to start with J Holiday because this cd is in heavy rotation in my player. Here is the review I wrote for

I was on the look out for J Holiday ever since I saw the "Be with me" video. Then "Bed" was released and I was even more excited. I read about how he wanted to bring R & B back and waited with anticipation. Boy did he deliver. I listened to the album via BET the week prior and I was hooked. This is truly one of those "My Life" type albums where you can just put it in, press play and just sing along.

I was a little disappointed that he had an advisory on his album but thankfully I ordered the clean version via He has a little bit of something for everybody. If you want to dance listen to "Betcha Never Had" and "Come Here". You can also groove to "Ghetto", "Thug Commandments", and "Without You". Then he has those begging down on bended knee, baby I'm begging baby I'm begging, begging baby type joints like "Suffocate", "Fatal", "Fallin" and my favorite, "Pimp in Me". His falsetto in "Pimp in Me" gave me chills!!!

There are also the little things that no one else would notice that make this album great like the guitar in the background of "Bed" and "Fallin" and the background vocals in "Fatal" and "Fallin". You can tell he thought of everything because those little things make a song sound totally different. Overall I am extremely impressed and hope he continues to stick to the formula he used for this album for any future albums minus the cuss words. The cherry on the top is there are no guest appearances on this album which is rare in this day and age. Thanks to J Holiday, I think R & B will be making a comeback!!! Q

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Happy Birthday Bria!!!

My beautiful baby girl is 9 today. Mommy loves you so much!!! Q

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Hello blog

I don't have much to say right now because I am in a bad mood. But I wanted to put something out since I haven't posted in a few days. I love all of yall who read this!!! Q

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Gone but not forgotten

I received this email from my friend Danielle the other day and wanted to share:
This Friday (9-28) marks two year's since he went to heaven, please ensure everyone takes time to squeeze their kids a little tighter and never ever take for granted that tomorrow will come!


Her beautiful son Cavion died of cancer 2 years ago yesterday. I was one of the first people to see him when he was born. I was pregnant with Bria at the time. I can't even imagine losing one of my babies. I am grateful to have known Cavion and I look forward to seeing him again in heaven. Q

Thursday, September 27, 2007


The first time I saw this pic of Nailah Franklin and read about her disappearance I knew in my spirit she was gone. But I prayed I was wrong. Today my initial reaction was confirmed. All I want to know is why? I know people are killed everyday and I ask why about them also. What makes a person just decide to kill someone else? Is it a spur of the moment thing or is it on their to do list like get up, brush my teeth, kill someone? I can't even imagine the pain her parents are going through right now. I know I love my daughters to death and having something like this happen to any of them would darn near kill me. I hope when people look at this picture of this woman, they don't see some stranger. I hope they see their mother, daughter, sister or friend and realize we have all got to do what we can to make this world a better place. RIP Nailah Franklin Q

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Full moon

Today I saw the moon. It was full and looked as if it was sitting right on top of the mountains. Like I could reach out, grab it, and put it in my pocket. I just stared as I drove. I felt drawn to it. I wanted it. To have on those days when the light is just too much.

I could just take it out and place in the sky causing the sun to retreat and the darkness to fall. Just so I could be alone with my thoughts, with my emotions. I could walk outside in the darkness and no one could see my tears. No one could see my pain.

The moon has just enough light to see my way around but not to much to show all of my flaws, the things that are so evident when the sun is out. Q

Monday, September 24, 2007

Only one more day!!!

Jill Scott's new album comes out tomorrow and I can't wait. I don't know who is more happy, me about getting it or Thomas because he is sick of me counting down the days. Last night he said "yeah 2 more days, man I can't wait until 2 more days get here", lol!!!! Tuesday will be a good day. Q

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Why I love him so much...

This morning I awoke to the most beautiful sight. Thomas was standing in our bedroom and was quietly moving around trying to avoid waking me. I watched him as he opened the drawers to find some socks and then went over to the closet to get some clothes. He closed the door to the bathroom so the sound of water running would not wake me. Then he slowly eased out of our bedroom closing the door behind him. Off he went to make breakfast, wake up the girls, feed them, pick our their clothes, turn on the t.v. and wait for me to wake up so we can all go to church together. To some it might sound strange but for us, it is something that we do every weekend. You see he gives me a break and allows me to sleep in because he knows day in and day out, I am the ones who fix the kids breakfast and lunch. I am the one who picks out and irons there clothes. I am the one who fixes their hair. I am the one that drives them to school and takes care of the conferences, field trips etc. So on the weekends, I don't have to do any of that.

I love my husband because he doesn't subscribe to the roles society tries to place on families. Yes he is the head like he should be but he doesn't ask or expect much. He loves me just as I am. I do some things that others might look at and say "if that was my wife, that wouldn't happen" but for him, that is why he loves me. He allows me to be me because he knows that I love him for him. We have a mutual respect for each other and we are secure in our love for each other. I do things for him that others don't see and wouldn't be able to do like I do and vice versa. Even now when I am nowhere near the size I was when we got married, he still loves me just the same and never makes me feel bad. He acts as if there is absolutely nothing wrong with how I look but still encourages me because he knows I have a goal in mind.

There are times when I want us to do something and he doesn't quite see it but he trusts me enough to support me. What I love the most about him is not what he gives me or what he does for me, I love him because he loves the Lord more than me. I can't remember a day going by I have not seen him studying his bible. He loves the Lord and God is first in his life and I love him all the more because of that. Because I know if he puts God first, he will always do what's right for me and the girls.

This was even more evident to me the other day when we visited our daughter Trey and her daughter at the hospital. I don't know most people let alone me who could forgive and still love someone if they did all the things she has done to us. As we drove home he even said he considered taking her back in but knows he needs to really pray and seek the Lord about it. That touched me because he put his own feelings aside and is willing to do what thus says the Lord. He is not ashamed about his relationship with Christ. He once got offended when someone commended him on being faithful to God because in his eyes, that is how we are supposed to be. I love him because I know Jesus truly lives in him and he strives all the more to be like God.

So Thomas if you are reading, I know I don't always tell you because we are just like that but I LOVE YOU so much. You are the best husband in the world and I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else. You are the kind of man I pray every woman is blessed to find. You are the true example of a man of God, a husband and, a father. Thank you for always putting God first and me second. Thank you for serving the Lord and loving me like Christ loves the church. Thank you for putting up with me and all my crazy ways, and loving me just the same. Thank you for choosing me as your wife. Thank you for all that you do and just for being you. I am so blessed to have you as my husband and my friend. You encourage me to be better and I love you for it. I love you. I love you. I love you. Q

Friday, September 21, 2007

Go SIT DOWN !!!!

That is the phrase I have using a lot lately when people irk the heck out of me. They really need to go sit down somewhere and take a chill pill or some other meds and get their mind right. So here is my list of people who really need to sit down stat:
Kanye West- for someone who raps "did you say something, uh unh you can't tell me nothing" you sure take how others view you seriously. So what if you don't get any rewards as long as you think you are great why does it matter. People didn't believe Jesus but he didn't throw tantrums. Mr. West- GO SIT DOWN
Britney Spears- Too easy but seriously I probably see you more it than your kids. Please GO SIT DOWN and stay at home with your kids!!!
O.J. Simpson and the news people who keep talking about him- please GO SIT DOWN
All the stupid people in the Jena 6 situation- So many people were wrong when it came to this story. It is more than black or white, it is about respect and doing what is right. GO SIT DOWN
Amy Winehouse- She really needs help and I pray she gets it before she becomes another Kurt Cobain. Please GO SIT DOWN and get some help.
Some myspace people- Please stop inviting me to be your friend when I don't know you. No I don't want to hear your music or view half naked pictures of you. Ladies please stop showing your tail on this site for men who if they respected you, wouldn't add you in the first place. Please GO SIT DOWN.
That's all for now but I am sure I will add on to this list in the future. Q

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I'm too fly to be depressed....

But I am. I have been feeling like this for almost a month now. Everything makes me sad. I don't know what is wrong with me. You wouldn't know it if you saw me because my hair is still fly, I am still looking kaa-uutte and I do all that I need to do everyday. But inside I am crying.

I know it is spiritual more than it is emotional but I admit I am afraid of what lies ahead. I know I am moving into the next level in my walk but taking the first step is hard. So instead of doing what I need to do, I am suffering. I know it is only a matter of time before my hard-headed self lets go and do what I need to do. But for right now, I will just deal with my sadness. Q

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

When it rains it pours....

This morning I took Bria to an appointment to see the doctor about her foot. She was born with clubfoot and wore a cast as a baby and later had corrective surgery. As time went on, I figured her condition would get better but it hasn't. Her right leg is shorter and smaller than the left. Her right foot does not have an arch and it is about a half a size smaller than the left. She has been complaining about pain in her foot and she walks with a slight limp. We got a referral to an orthopedist but her primary doctor pretty much let us know that he/she will probably suggest surgery in order to stretch her leg and get it to catch with the other.

I already began preparing in the event it does happen but I am also believing in God to work a miracle for my baby. I also know that sometimes His miracles come in the form of using other people like a surgeon. I will most likely quit my job and stay at home and home school Bria until she is able to return to school. I was just really hoping her days of going back and forth to appointments were over.

Then later today, I got a phone call from my daughter (not biological) Trinasha. See this post here . She had her baby today, a little girl and wanted us to come by and visit. No I never updated on the situation but as you can see, it hasn't gotten too much better. A part of me would like to go and just pour out all my love. The other part is weary because of all the hurt and pain I went through. I want to be there but I am not ready to let her back in completely.

Tonight we went to the State Fair so the kids can ride and play games. I was actually feeling great until my phone rang and it was my dad. At first I didn't answer because I was trying to get the girls settled but then he called again so I knew it was important. He told me that my 95 year old great-grandmother passed away today. Tomorrow is also my grandfather's birthday (her son whom I never met). I was sad but at peace at the same time. It amazes me how one soul came into my life and another one went on to glory all in the same day. I just need time to process everything. Q

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Finding the balance

Today I was talking to a guy who works at the local bakery when he said to me "you know life is all about balance". My eyes got big and my mouth dropped open because I was thinking the same thing the other day and knew it would be the topic for this blog today. With anything, balance is the key to maintaining whether it is how you eat, how much you work out, how much money you spend or watching tv, you have to find the middle ground.

Although the statement makes sense, it is easier said than done. I know this first hand because going back to work I am balancing my family, kids, homemaking, friends, qt with my dh, working out, a side business and everything under the sun. Too little or too much of anything is not good. You have to find that middle ground to make it work.

It is hard for a person like me because I stress a lot and there so much I want to do. Even while I sit here typing, I am thinking about a million other things. I am working hard on finding the balance in my life. In my mind things are set and done in a certain way but I know balancing it all means sometimes settling for less than perfect. That drives me crazy!!! I am just praying and believing God to give me peace and to help me accept that I can't do everything and I can't be everywhere for everybody. I need to realize it is okay to go to bed with dishes in the sink, or clothes not folded, or the carpets not vacuumed. It will be there tomorrow and I can do it then. It doesn't make me a bad mom if the kids eat leftovers or I forget to buy more bubble bath. I just need to find the middle ground and know that I am okay. Q

Monday, September 17, 2007

My new water bottle

Yesterday I went to Vitamin Cottage after church to get some castor oil and some other products. Me being the shop-a-holic that I am came across a really neat water bottle. It is made of a glass-like material so don't get a plastic taste from it leaching out in your drink. I got the purple one. They also had smaller ones for the kids and since I had my crew with me, they each got one too. The bottle is a little pricier than your regular bottle but it is was worth it to add one more thing to make sure my family and I are a little healthier.

I like it because on the side it also has measurements in ounces which helps me keep track of how much water I am drinking. It also has a cool flip cap and the drinking spout rotates. The website is Q

Weekend recap

After the crappy events that took place during the week, I am glad to say my weekend was a lot better. This past week I actually remembered to bring my mp3 player to work so I can listen to my songs and the local radio station. They have a station here that don't play a lot of the music I like but they do have some really good topics and I enjoy the discussions. While listening, they began to play my song "Bed". I was so excited because it was my first time hearing it on the radio here that I decided to call.

At the time I called they were giving away tickets to a new club named "Seven". The female dj answered and she remembered me from myspace and gave me vip tickets for me and 9 of my friends. I was thinking "I don't have 9 friends". I have friends but there isn't too many I actually hang out with. I thought about it and decided to call Kristi and El. They are both members of my church and are all around cool women. Thomas looked at me funny when I told him but I figured I would go and listen to some good music and head home.

When we first got there, it was kind of boring. The vip tickets I had also came with champagne. I don't drink but I think a small glass of wine or champagne is fine so the girls helped themselves. After about 30 minutes, the dj from the radio station (Dana) arrived and the dance floor started to pick up. Our section was above the dance floor so I went down to dance with a group of girls. Dana spotted me and we spoke, hugged, and just laughed. I danced off to myself most of the night until Candy, the other dj tried to show me up but I broke him down and he kept it moving!!!

Afterward we week out to eat at the Village Inn and just had some good convo. I didn't get in until after 2 and I knew I would be tired because I still had to go in and work. Fortunately for me, work went well and I was in and out in about 4 1/2 hours. Then I headed home, crashed, and later ordered pizza. Dana invited me to come back to the club but that is really not my scene. But I will keep it in mind if I ever want to get out, dance, and be around some cool people. Q

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Body for Life week 2 complete

So this is the week I step up my workouts to really see some results. Thomas already noticed I am slimming down. I haven't weighed myself yet and won't until I have 4 weeks completed. I went out to eat with some friends and I substituted the fried chicken for grilled, and had a salad instead of fries. I am enjoying my free day today with pizza and cookies. Tomorrow I will be right back on my healthy eating. Take care Q

Friday, September 14, 2007

FYI- Pet Peeves

Here is a top five list of things people do that irk the heck out of me:
1) Lying- I will admit I have serious issues with people who do this. I am not saying I have never lied. I am talking about people who lie for no reason at all.

2) One uppers- You know the person who always has to out do you with a story. If you broke a bone, they broke 50 etc. Most of the time they are a combination of pet peeve #1.

3) Lazy folks- People who are always looking for a hand out but don't want to get up off their behinds and do anything.

4) Non hand washers- Just nasty, nuff said

5) Woe is me-ers- Here you are feeling good about yourself and they come along and make you want to jump off a darn cliff. Keep all that negativity and sadness to yourself. It's like nothing good ever happens to them.

I have more but these 5 work me the most. Q

Thursday, September 13, 2007

More good news!!!!

About darn time!!!! Q

494- Carat Diamond

I wish somebody would

Darn shame I tell ya

I love this quote...

My girl Meka had this on her myspace page and I just had to post it here:
"Pay no mind to those who talk behind your back, it simply means that you are 2 steps ahead"

Whew this spoke to me today!!! Q

Now I am ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update on my friend situation: Thank goodness I have vonage and it keeps a record of all my outgoing and incoming calls. My so-called friend, stayed at my house a couple of months back when I was helping her with another situation. I remember her making some calls to her mom. I was able to get her mom's number and get in contact with her.

Yes she did move back to Texas. No she wasn't going to tell me. Then she tried to get smart with me when I shut that down real quick. My reason for calling her was to tie up some other loose ends and I needed some information only she could provide. Fast forward a hour or so and I now know she was lying. She is not answering my calls so I leave her a message. I get a phone call from her family member, who was now giving me the real information.

Not only did she lie to me, she lied to them, and she lied to them about me. Anyone who knows me knows, that lying to me is a big no no. But lying on me and trying to put my name through the mud will get you cut!!! Yeah I said it.

So right now I am just thanking God for deliverance and praying He can calm me down because right now I am so angry I could hurt somebody!!! Q

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Trey Songz - Cant Help But Wait - Video Premiere -

I had the privilege of seeing Trey Songz in concert back in July. He performed this song and I loved it the first time I heard it. I love the video and the message because too many women are being used and abused in relationships and they should know they are worth more. His album drops October 2nd. Enjoy Q

I am in total shock

Today I went to visit a friend of mine whom I hadn't seen or heard from since before we went on vacation. I had a feeling something was going on with her but I just gave her time. I know there have been times in my walk where I did not want to be bothered or I just kept to myself. Sometimes I was just not feeling like being bothered, other times I had backslid and was ashamed. Either way what happened today, shocked me to the core.

As I drove up to her apartment, I knew in my spirit she was gone. Her car was not there and the outside of her apartment looked weird. The sliding door was open and I noticed the blinds on her windows were torn, some were missing, and it just didn't look neat and clean like she usually kept it. I knocked on the door and a young lady answered. I asked if "S" was there she said "no, she moved". I said "okay" and walked away.

I am in shock. This is someone I have loved like a sister. Her kids called me auntie. I was there for her, went out of my way for her. Now I wouldn't change a thing I did for her but for her to up and move like that, hurt me. She could have called. She could have sent me a letter. I should not have found out like that. I don't know what she is doing. I don't know if she is still here or if she went back home to Texas. I don't know if she and the kids are okay. I am too shocked to be hurt right now. I don't even know what to do. Yall pray for me. Q

Body for Life update

I have completed workouts 7, 8, and today I did 9. I need to continue to work on my eating habits. I don't eat the wrong things but it is the lack of eating I need to work on. I am going to really up my cardio next week too. Take care Q

I have the power!!!!

One of my favorite cartoons growing up was He-Man. As the show progressed they introduced a female character by the name of She-Ra. That is her in the picture above. He-Man was your normal everyday man who when he raised his sword and said "I have the power", would transform into this unstoppable super hero. That is the story of my life.

I am very open about my past. I share the good, the bad, the ugly, the downright stupid, and embarrassing. I do so not to get sympathy or to bring attention to myself. I do it because the more I share, the more power I have.

There is nothing anyone can say to me that I haven't said to myself. I was and am my own worst critic. I used to feel like I was unworthy, worthless, and a disgrace. I had done too much stuff, I hurt too many people, and had been used way too much to be worthy of love. That was until I finally accepted Jesus and everything change.

Like She-Ra I am now armed with a sword that gives me unstoppable power. Ephesians 6:17- Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. I have the power, that is the word of God which has released me from my past. The old things I have said or done or been through no longer apply. They have lost all power and cannot touch me. I still have people who knew the old me and try to keep me locked into the past. I just smile and keep it moving because I don't know the person they speak of.

I am armed with a sword greater than the world can imagine. Hebrews 4:12- For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13- Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. I have already confessed my sins and moved on from my mistakes. Every time I read and absorb the word of God I gain more power. Every time I share my story, I gain more power. Every time I share my testimony, I gain more power. I have the power over the story that is my life. I have the power and overcame my past. I have the power to know my past does not define me. I have the power and there is nothing you can do about it!!! Q

Who Is Sara Baartman? Every black woman should know her name

This is powerful!!! Q

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

A little about me

Favorite color: Purple
Favorite Basketball player: Vincent Lamar Carter (Vince Carter)
Favorite Sports Team: Yankees and Knicks (yeah and what)
Favorite Number: 8
Favorite Movie: Silence of the Lambs
Favorite ice cream flavor: Butter Pecan
Favorite soda: Dr. Pepper
Favorite Holiday: Easter
There you go. Q

The song that is in my head

"Bed" by J Holiday Q

Man, I was really hoping for a better outcome

Monday, September 10, 2007

When it all falls down

Last night I watched the VMAs. Like most of America, I was interested in seeing Britney Spears perform. Although I am not a fan of hers at all, I was pulling for her to come out and give a great show. Sadly I was disappointed.

It never amazes me how quickly people turn on you. Britney was once America's pop sweetheart and now everyone is ready to toss her to the side. I can't imagine being in her shoes but I know how she feels. The only difference is my faults and my slip ups aren't caught and put out there for the entire world to see.

Lately, I have not been feeling like myself. I have been stressed, moody, mean, crazy, you name it. I have decided to step back from some things and just spend time with Lord and getting back to the Queeny I know I should be. I am the first one to admit when I am wrong and when I have fallen. It is times like this when all I need is the prayer of those who love me because I know with God I will be able to get back up. Q

Body for life week 1 completed

I didn't feel like boring anyone with a long list of my workouts so I just decided to post when I complete a week. One down, 11 more to go!!! Q

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

What cd are you listening to?

I am listening to "A Beautiful World" by Robin Thicke. I actually like this one better than the current cd he has out now. This guy was seriously slept on. So what are you listening to? Q

What would make you happy?

I must confess I was a little depressed last week. I don't know what it was but I didn't want to talk to anyone and I think I scared my husband. He of course asked, was it him, was it the kids. It was neither. It was me all me. Of course I prayed and looked real deep and found the answer.

I wasn't happy because I feel trapped and restricted. We have been living in NM going on 6 years and I don't like it anymore. It was cool at first because the kids were young and I was focused on them but now that they are older, it is time for me to spread my wings.

I need to live somewhere a little more exciting than this. My husband loves christian hip hop, I like r&b and we both like sports but there isn't a professional team here. We very rarely get decent acts and if we want to see a game, we will have to travel out of town. I know I was sent here for a reason and I am very grateful but now I think it is time for us to move on.

My husband was notified that he was on the cross training list so there is a strong possibility he will be going into a new job and we will probably get orders. We talked last night and he is going to update his dream sheet with possible choices. Right now our top choices are VA, NC, and TX. I know it will be at least a year before anything happens but in the mean time I am already preparing for it. Just the thought of it makes me happy and gives me hope.

What about you? What will make you happy and what are you doing about it? Q

Why I don't like kids

So today I decided to wear my fitted tank to work out in. Here is what happened:
Kaliyah: Mom your belly almost looks like you have a baby
Me: Thanks Kaliyah but I don't
Kaliyah: But it looks like it
Me: Wow thanks for hurting my feelings
Destiny: Mom, I think you look pretty.
Me: Thanks Destiny
Kaliyah: She's pretty but she looks like she almost has a baby. Look look at that right there (while she points to my stomach)
Destiny: Kaliyah that is so rude. Kaliyah you don't almost have a baby, you either have a baby in your belly or you don't. Mom doesn't have a baby her stomach is just a little big that's all.
Kaliyah: That's what I was trying to say.

Gotta love em. Q

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Body for Life day 2

Today was going well until my supervisor decided to bring me some Baby Ruth's. I stayed on track and continued on. I still need to eat a little more because I forget to eat throughout day. Anyway for my cardio I did 20 minutes of Turbo Jam.

Oh and I am def feeling my workout from yesterday!!! Q

Monday, September 03, 2007

Body for life BABY!!!!

Today I officially started the Body for life challenge. I had done this program in the past and got great results but never was able to finish. This time I have a group of support people cheering me on and keeping me accountable. Last week was supposed to be my official start week but I wasn't there mentally. I went through the motions but I didn't give an all out effort. I still managed to lose 2.5 pounds. But now I got my mind right and I am ready for my body to follow.

Here is what I did today:
Dumbbell Bench Press- 12 reps 5 pounds
10 reps 10 pounds
8 reps 13 pounds
6 reps 15 pounds
12 reps 13 pounds
Dumbbell Bench Flies- 12 reps 5 pounds

Seated Dumbbell Press- 12/ 2 pounds
10/ 5 pounds
8/10 pounds
6/13 pounds
12/10 pounds
Side Raises- 12/ 5 pounds

Dumbbell Rows- 12/ 5 pounds
10/10 pounds
8/13 pounds
6/15 pounds
12/10 pounds
Dumbbell Pullovers- 12/ 5 pounds

Seated Extensions- 12/5
9/13- I could only do 9
Tricep kickbacks- 12/5

Standing curls- 12/5
Hammer curls- 12/5

On to day 2!!! Q

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Wait for me

If it seems as though I don't do or say the things God wants me too, wait on me. God is not finished with me yet. This is what I got out of this morning's sermon. It is so easy to point the finger or get discouraged when we deal with people. Even more so when people see me as a minister. They have in their mind this picture or idea of how I am supposed to be, how I am supposed to act or speak. But I like you am simply growing stronger in the Lord everyday.

Everyday is a new I get closer to Him. A new day for me to get stronger and wiser. If I knew it all, I would not need Him. But I don't so I do. So instead of looking at my flaws, see the beauty of God in me. See the blessings and the anointing He has placed on my life. See how far He has brought me from and pray for me. I stumble, and I fall, but I get back up and keep on moving.

Wait for me. There is so much more to what God has in store for me.
Wait for me. There are so many more things He has for me to do.
Wait for me. There are more trials, tribulations, and tests for me to overcome.
Wait for me, as I wait on Him to appear and say Well Done!!! Q

Sunday, August 12, 2007


Today I did a spa day with my girls. I gave them facials, painted their feet and fingernails and restyled their hair. Here are some pics. Q