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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Are you an old school friend? I am

When I think about how things were back in the day I smile. My mom and her friends always looked out for each other. If one had, they all had. They were not petty and arguing over a food bill down to the penny. No one took advantage of the unspoken code by mysteriously not have any money every single time. They had each other's back.

I am the same way. If I go get something to eat and don't have the change, I will give my friend's there money back. If they pay for me today, then next time, I got it. I don't keep score or keep track unless I promise to pay you back and I will. If I bless them with something, I don't hold it over their heads or think I am better than them. Sometimes they have to remind of some of the stuff I have done not because it is not important but because to me, it is all apart of being a friend.

When it comes to our kids, this doesn't even need to be discussed. We trust each other's judgment enough to know we would never hurt or harm one another's kids. But if they see my kids out of line they won't hesitate to correct them and vice versa. We can call each other day or night and know there is nothing we can't say to each other. If one of us gets a promotion, has a baby, or buys a house, we celebrate like it's nobody's business. There is no jealousy or envy. Oh and please believe if someone does one of us wrong, they have done it to all of us.

What kind of friend are you? Are you an old school friend? Q

Monday, May 28, 2007

Workout Goals for May 27, 2007- June 2, 2007

Okay so now I am ready to do what I got to do to get my body back. I figured if I put my goals out there for others to read, it will make me more accountable. I am ready to step up my workout regimen and also improve when it comes to eating.
Workout goals: 1)Perform all 3 couch to 5k workouts this week.
2)Do resistance training 3 times per week.
3)Walk every morning for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week.

Eating goals: 1)Eat at least 5 times a day especially breakfast.
2)Eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables each day.
3)Drink at least 100 ounces of water a day.

Oh and I took before pics and measurements but no one will see those until I post my after pics. Q

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Failure is not an option for me...


And it shouldn't be one for you either. Today I completed week 7 day 3 of the couch to 5k workout. I had to run for 25 minutes straight and I did it. That says a lot for someone who could barely run for 2 minutes a couple of weeks ago. The statement above doesn't apply only to my workout endeavors but also to my life in general. Words have power and how you apply those words to your life defines it. If you view something as a failure, then that is what it is. At least to you anyway.

I have taken the word failure out of my life. It is not an option for me. From now on, I will set goals and will either meet them, or miss my mark and that's it. The word failure is harsh and hurtful. It doesn't take into account the work a person puts in. It doesn't show the sacrafices or the small accomplishments made on the road to failure. Instead it just summarizes the event or situation and gives it a final explanation. But if you remove it, it won't apply to you. It won't be an option.

Removing failure does not give you a pass to slack off or to not achieve your goals. Instead it encourages you to continue to move forward but to also be thankful for the journey. Be thankful for the fact that at least you tried. For me a try beats a fail any day. When you miss your mark you can still hit it, it is still there. Failure takes that option away from you. So I have taken the option named failure out of my life. Q

Friday, May 25, 2007

Getting back out in the working world

This past January, I started getting bored. I was bored with being at home. Bored with working online. The passion I once had for working at home was gone. I prayed and spoke with my Pastor's wife about it. I told her I would love to do something part time just to get my feet wet back into the working world. Well one day in February I received a call from her. She told me to call another friend of mine named Kristie. She told me Kristie had another friend who needed someone to work for a couple of days. I later spoke with Kristie who then put me in contact with Veronica. Veronica is the human resources assistant for an employment agency. She had a client that needed a temp worker for 3 days, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I started on February 7th and am still there to this day.

At first it was cool being a temp because my hours were very flexible and allowed me to still be at home and be there for my kids. I decided to take Monday's off in order to run errands, do stuff around the house, and be available for the church. Now that I am back into the swing of working again, I like it. I work with a cool bunch of people, the job is close to home and the girls school, and the pay is not too bad.

Now I have started to get the working itch again. I put my resume out on different job engines. I have gotten calls, and have been to interviews but nothing fits just yet. I was still a little unsure about going back into the full time workforce but now I am ready. I have been working on my resume, doing a lot of research, talking things over with Thomas, and setting up a plan. I know what I want and I won't settle for anything less. It is not simply about the money either. I want to do something I love. I want to meet new people and do a little bit of traveling. And yes I do want to get paid what I am worth.

For those of you who know how successful I have been in my home based business, you are probably scratching your head. But you know me, I am always on the move and always trying something new and exciting. I will still keep it going and running but I won't be actively promoting and bringing in new customers. I am looking forward to whatever new opportunities come my way. If you have any tips for me, feel free to comment and help me out!!! Q

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Greatness is within YOU!!!

Within all of us, there is greatness. Most of us just don't realize it. Some of us have forgotten it's there. Time and situations have caused us to get sidetracked. We have veered off the track towards our greatness and now have settled into "okay" or "thatwilldo". We look at others and assume it is luck that they have been able to reach their greatness. We hold others up to a high standard and view it as unattainable for ourselves. Honestly, all they have done is recognized their greatness, made others see it, and strived for more.

Greatness is within YOU!!! GOD has placed it in all of us to do the impossible, to real our goals, to live out our dreams. Whatever you want, can be yours. Don't let someone else's greatness affect the way you view yours. There is enough room in this world for all of us to be great. Some people won't get there because they don't try, they don't believe, or they just give up.

Everyday you need to look in the mirror and think positively about the day. Set goals for yourself and do all you can to achieve them. Think about the things you have been putting off. Make a plan to start doing them right now. Get rid of the negativity, the people, and the obstacles that keep you from your greatness. Look deep inside yourself to find the seed that was planted in you before you were born. It is within your spiritual DNA. You need to nuture it so it can grow and produce more greatness.

What is keeping you from you GREATNESS?!!!! Q

Steal, Kill, and Destroy

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

We must never forget we have an enemy who is on his job everyday. I am not one of those people who blames the devil for everything. We give him too much credit when really we should be taking a look at ourselves. However, he is always busy. Always setting traps for us. Always tempting us. Always trying to find ways to steal from us, kill us, destroy us and the people we love. Sometimes he does all three at the same time to accomplish his goal.

The devil is not your friend. He is a liar and the truth is not in him. He will do all he can to keep you away from GOD, away from your greatness, away from the good things the LORD has for you. He is jealous because he knows GOD loves us and unlike him, we can spend eternity in heaven.

He will trick you. He will give you all the things you feel you need. The things which will keep you from GOD. If it is drugs, you will have it. If it is money, you will be rich. If it is fame, you will be famous. But read on the dotted line before you make a deal with him. Just like those commercials we see on t.v, at the end when the announcer is speaking really fast about the side affects of the different drugs. If you listen closely, you may not want to take those meds. Satan is the same way. He will never tell you the drugs, the money, and the fame will keep you from GOD and send you to a hell that was never meant for you. You can have all of that and follow the LORD. No it will not be easy but JESUS says through Him we may have life, and have it to the full. What HE gives us, HE adds no sorrow to it.

Don't let your guard down. Pray without ceasing. Seek the LORD daily. Get into the LORD'S presence where there is fullness of joy. Don't let the devil steal, kill, and destroy you. Your father is KING and you are royalty. Q

Sunday, May 20, 2007

John Legend, the recap

Now that I have come down a little from my high, I can post about my concert experience. I was soo excited because it is rare that Albuquerque gets quality artists that I actually enjoy like Mr. Legend. When we got there, the weather was a little iffy. I prayed the rain would not fall so I can enjoy the show. At 7:15 I was getting antsy because the show was supposed to start at 7. I was already in panic mode because Veronica pointed out John's piano on stage. It was soon confirmed by another couple in the audience that Corrine Bailey Rae would not be performing. I was okay because I felt that meant Mr. Legend would perform a lot more songs.

At around 7:20 a casino rep came out announcing some of the upcoming shows. Then all of a sudden out came the band and then the background singers. The music started playing and there he was. The crowd got up on their feet and he starts with Maxine's interlude. A few minutes into the set, people start moving so I move up to be closer. I was already in the pit area in the 9th row but I left Thomas holding my purse, and soon my jacket. Although it was a little cool, once I started dancing I was warmed up. As the concert goes on, you can tell some people aren't true fans. When he sings Again and Another Again, I am the only one in the area still standing, singing every single word, and dancing. I know he saw me!!!

When he sang "Slow dance" and asked for a female. I looked back and asked Thomas if I could volunteer. He waved his hands to say go ahead but a female had already been chosen. Then all of a sudden I saw him leaving the stage with his bodyguards in pursuit. He walks right past me and I touched his arm. As I look back he stands on a chair. The chair is directly in front of Thomas who is still sitting. I rush back to beat the crowd to get to my seat yelling "that's my seat, that's my seat". I was able to get close enough to snap the first picture I have posted.

Towards the end I am near the front of the stage dancing, and singing. There were some girls who were a little tipsy and I joked with another lady. She told me she would smack their arms down so I can get my pics. I told her "yeah we can take them, they are tipsy and won't know what hit them". Then I told her "if you take out the guard, I think I can make it to the stage". We laughed.

Then that good old New Mexico wind started to pick up. Mr. Legend announced he would have to end the show soon because of the weather. I heard the opening to "Coming Home" and I got happy. He called over one of the guys in the band and then started playing "So High". I sang at the top of my lungs. I was the only one singing "Don't you wanna go, don't you wanna go, don't you wanna go". I am a true fan and had seen other performances in which he sang that instead of the cd version of So High.

His timing was on point because a few minutes after he left the stage, the wind got really bad, and the rain began to pour. He did all of the songs from the recent album except for about 3 and almost the entire first album. I met some cool couples too. Shout out to Quincy and Nicole, and Joshua and Maria!!! Quincy and Nicole saw him in Phoenix and Robin Thicke opened for him. Nicole claimed Quincy was a fan and she was tagging along like Thomas but I saw her standing up and dancing more than Quincy, lol!!!

I felt like a little kid. I danced, I sang, and I had a blast. My husband enjoyed himself too. He has a lot of respect for Mr. Legend. His voice is a thousand times better live than it is on his albums. He put on a great show without a bunch of fluff, lipsinging and garbage. Just some good ole R and B. You did your thang Mr. Legend!!! Q

I did it!!!!

Yesterday I completed my week 5 day 3 workout of the couch to 5k program. With this particular workout, I did a brisk walk for 5 minutes and ran for ...... drumroll please... 20 minutes straight!!! That's right no stopping, no breaks, just straight through. I am already seeing the results of working out because some of my pants have a lot more room. I do plan on kicking it up this week and adding some additional workouts. I feel the old Queeny coming back again. The Queeny that used to love and crave working out. The Queeny that would feel weird if she missed a workout. The Q that was in the best possible shape. Yup, her, she is being resurrected. Take care Q

Thursday, May 17, 2007

John Legend was awesome

I had a blast last night. Here are some pics:
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Here is ya girl striking some poses in my concert get up:
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I will post a recap later. I am still tired!!! Q

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I gotta get on track

Today was week 5 day one of the couch to 5k workout. I alternated 5 minutes of running with 2 minutes of walking. I felt really good and am soo proud of myself. That is the good news. The bad news is, I have some serious issues with my eating. I think I may have a problem.

No I am not doing anything crazy but I am not doing what is right. I realized it today when I was talking to a friend. Here it was 3 in the afternoon and I had barely eaten all day. I finally realized it and decided to grab something to fuel my 5:30 workout. When I mentioned it to my friend, she reminded me how I needed fuel and from there I began to tell her that I often forget to eat.

On the way home I thought about my eating habits and it hit me how bad they were. I am two extremes when I need to be in the middle. I either forget to eat and therefore not eat enough, then overeat when I realize that I haven't eaten. Fortunately for me, I eat healthy but I know I need to do better when it comes to eat more often and consistently. So I will sit down this week and come up with a plan. I may have to set a reminder on my cellphone but my goal is to eat 5 small meals throughout the day. Most importantly, I will start eating breakfast every morning. I will also log everything I eat to include the times, and portions sizes. From there I will make adjustments as needed. I know once I fuel my body correctly, the pounds will fall off even faster. As the saying goes, you are what you eat. Q

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Happy Mother's Day!!!

I had a great day today with lots of gifts and surprises. I got flowers, cards, nice dinner, phone calls, visits and homemade gifts from my kids I will post pics tomorrow. Today I am just chilling. Q

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Week 4 complete

Today I finished week 4 day 3 of the couch to 5k workout. I decided to mix it up a bit. Instead of alternating the 3 and 5 minute runs, I went head on and did the 2 five minute runs in the beginning and ended with the 2 three minute runs. I felt good but I had to press my way. I am pmsing so you know what I mean.

Anyway, I am really looking forward to stepping things up next week. I promise to post more of my financial info and more of my thoughts and opinions on things I see and here. I have been getting great feedback by word of mouth. But yall lurkers need to go ahead and post your comments, don't be sccuuurrrreeddd!!! Q

Thursday, May 10, 2007

It hurts soo good!!!

Today I finished Week 4 day 2 of the couch to 5k workout. Here is the link in case you are interested, here is the link: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml . I really had to work through the last five minutes. I was bumping Mary J. Blige's "No more drama" and it worked. Right now my eyes are super heavy and my legs feel like jello.

Even though I am feeling it physically, mentally I am very proud of myself. I have always tried to complete this program but was never able to. Finishing this week will make it the farthest I have gone with this program. I also ran into my old supervisor from the Air National Guard at the gym. We were excited to see each other since it had been over a year since the last time. Hearing him tell me about the unit let me know that I made the right decision to leave. Although I am not where I want to be, I am grateful for where I am.

Many of you may or may not know that I have had many medical challenges. Starting with my thyroid, then my tonsils and on and on. But being able to complete these workouts are small prizes for me. I remember being soo weak and tired I couldn't walk let alone run. I finally feel like I am getting "MY" body back. No matter what I plan on finishing this time and my goal is to be back to "ME" by my birthday. I don't know what size that is but when I get there I will know. Q

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The song I am loving right now.... Go on girl By; Ne-yo

So Ne-yo's album came out and I just had to get it. I loved the first one so I was already a fan. It took me a few days to listen because John Legend is coming next week and we have tickets so I was bumping him in preparation. So yesterday I decided to listen to the entire album. I began on my way home. Then on the way to the gym and back home. This morning I still hadn't listened to the entire album because I live close to everything. Then finally after I dropped the girls off at school, the very last song comes on. It is titled "Go On Girl". I am hooked.

It is about a girl who did him wrong and he is saying I am hurt, but I am cool you can go on. It is one of those songs you would be bumping if you just had to dump a trifling man or woman. Or the kind of song you wish you had when you dumped the trifling man woman. The song you would put on your answering machine, ringtone, or myspace page. The kind of song that gets you hyped, mad, sad and glad all at the same time. Like Heather Headley's "Losing You". I stayed in my van until the entire song finished playing. My friend Ben saw me and said "you were jamming weren't you". I played it all the way to the girl's school to drop off Destiny's snacks for her class. I had it on repeat on the way home. I know the people in the other cars thought I was crazy because I was singing, clapping, gesturing, and dancing while driving.

The part that really stood out to me with this song is a part where he says "I'm too fly to be depressed"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoooooooo yall don't even know how much I love that part. He is a genius, genius I tell you. Yall know he wrote Irreplacable right? Honestly I can't say whether I like the CD or not because I am loving this song just that much. I you guys have a chance to pick it up or have it downloaded please let me know what you think. To you Mr. Ne-yo, I say Go on Boy... In a good way. Q

When you gotta go.... You gotta go...

Yesterday I was hit with some shocking news. Some people we consider family may be moving in the next couple of months. Tears welled up in my eyes for a second and then I was at peace. A new job opportunity will be available and they are going for it. This past Sunday we had a going away party for a family who is leaving our church. They are relocating to South Carolina to be closer to family. Then my friend Lorena and her husband has orders to Vegas baby and she will be leaving in June. You would think being a military family that we are accustomed to saying goodbye but, it is still hard. Especially when it is people who "get" me that are leaving. I don't use the word friend lightly so when someone I call a friend is leaving, it hurts like heck.

But I know when you gotta go, you gotta go. I know that they are all doing what is best for them. I can't knock anyone who chooses to follow their dreams or take a position that will open up doors for them. I can't be mad if someone chooses to be closer to their family who will help them out and give them the support they need. I can't be mad at someone who follows their husband because I know I will follow mine. I can't be mad at someone who takes a job offer that will allow them to better provider for their family. I can't be mad but, I can be sad if only for a short while. Then I can be happy for the blessings coming their way, and always be here whenever they need me. They may be far from me in the physical but they will always be in my heart. Q

Monday, May 07, 2007

Money Saving tips

I have decided to pull my posts from another forum and add them to my blog to help others on the road to financial freedom. As many of you know I am very focused when it comes to my finances and have a goal to have our house paid off in 7 years from the date of purchase. Here are some of my tips:

Invest in really good bedding and sleepwear. Here in NM our heat is run on gas which can get expensive. I spend a little extra buying at least 300tc sheets and my kids wear long flannel pajamas. I also have vellux blankets on the beds to keep warm. This allows me to turn the heat down but we are still warm. I also purchased a couple of electric heaters and put them in each room.

Make a list and stick to it when shopping. I plan out my meals for the whole week so when I shop I know exactly what to get so I won't have 3 boxes of lasagna in the cabinet.

Take your lunch to work. Just think about spending around $5 per day or $100 per month on eating out at lunch.

Buy things on sale and save them for gifts. When bath and body works have their clearance sale, I rack up on items. Then as time goes by, I give them as gifts.

Use mypoints. If you need the link shoot me an email and I will refer you. This is something I have been doing for over 4 years now. You get points for reading emails and shopping at merchants. Whenever I buy flowers for someone, I use proflowers which is a mypoints partner and get points. At the end of the year I redeem those points for gift cards and give them as gifts or shop with them to buy gifts.

Write it down. Yes you need to have a good look at your finances. So for a whole week write down what and where you spend your money and then examine it for ways to cut back.

Shop for better credit cards. See if your current card will give you a better rate. If not switch to another and take advantage of those introductory offers. When you get the new card, shred it and pay it off before the period is over.

Also depending on your state, you can adjust the insurance coverage you have on your vehicle. Especially those with older vehicles. Same thing with homeowners insurance. Make sure you are get all the discounts you qualify for.

If you have an adjustable rate mortgage and the rate is set to increase, start looking into refinancing with a fixed-rate or even to another adjustable rate for x amount of years and focus on taking the extra you may save and apply it to principle.

For those of you that own a house, refinancing and doing a debt consilidation is another great option. For one, in most cases the interest you will now pay is tax deductible unlike a credit card. Also you may be saving money and can apply it to paying off the refinanced loan sooner. For instance if you have a mortgage of $150,000 paying $1000 and 3 cards with a balance of $30,000 paying $600 refinance that and now you have everything in one lump of $180,00 but now you are only paying $1300. Take the extra $300 you were paying and add it to your new monthly payment to pay it off sooner. Plus you can now write off the interest you pay on the $180,000.

The following are links regarding budgets:

http://www.betterbudgeting.com/
http://www.personalbudgeting.com/tips/tips.html
http://www.ed.gov/offices/OSFAP/Dire...lc/budget.html
http://www.daveramsey.com/the_truth_..._3457.html.cfm
http://moneycentral.msn.com/smartbuy/home.asp
http://www.foxway.com/?gclid=CP7xwbyZpYkCFQtkYQod1ANaOg
http://financialplan.about.com/cs/bu...dgeting101.htm
http://www.personal-budget-planning-saving-money.com/

It is also important to enjoy and treat yourself every now and then. That way you won't always feel soo stressed and stuck over budgeting and saving. I always put aside a little extra to treat myself. It could be a massage, a manicure, pedicure, or just having a nice dinner. It is a way to reward yourself for staying focused on your goals. Be blessed and take control of your financial future. Q

Friday, May 04, 2007

Are you really ready for love?


"How can I love somebody else. When I can't, love myself enough to know when it's time, time to let go". Those are the words from "Be happy" by Mary J. Blige. I still remember the first time I heard those words. They stuck with me to this day because they are so profound and true. I know what it is like to feel lonely and want to be in a relationship. But I think some people are in love with the idea of love. They think being in love will be wonderful, magical and just make all of their problems go away. Unfortunately when love involves another human, it is not perfect. It is dented, bumpy, messy, and stressful.

Most people aren't really ready for love and the work a relationship involves, they are just sick of being alone. You need to ask yourself are you really ready for love. There are some key elements I feel are needed in order for someone to be ready for love and here they are.
1) You have to love yourself. No not the I think I am okay type of love but the love of self that allows you to feel great about yourself. No one should complete you or make you change who you are if you have love for yourself. You have to be okay with being alone. Enjoy having just yourself to worry about. Continue to go out and live your life to the fullest.
2) Your past relationships are behind you. You are walking down the street one day and you see the ex. You know, the one that broke your heart. The one you thought you were going to marry. The one that made you complete. Suddenly all of those emotions and feelings come back. The next thing you know you are at home, alone, crying, and eating some ice cream or drowning your sorrows. You need to be able to see that person and not flinch. This goes back to the Mary J Blige song. You have to love yourself enough to let go of the past. Until then you are not ready.
3) The walls around your heart are gone. Sometimes a good person is right there but we put up this wall. We won't let another person in but we expect them to just deal with it and love us anyway. You have to be willing to give love and be loved.
4) You are fine with the thought of not ever finding love. I know this is hard but bear with me. When people are soo focused being in love or finding love, it consumes them. It is this roller coaster of emotions because they meet someone, is happy about being in a relationship, and then it doesn't work out. Then they began to wonder what is wrong with them, how can they change, or what can they do. They drive themselves crazy and sometimes sick because they want love. But when you are fine the fact that it may not happen life can be a little easier. You are able to focus your time and energy on other things. I also believe you are then able to attract that special someone in your life. They will see you as this wonderful, confident, and content person and a love can take it's time and grow. You don't have it on this timetable or schedule because you are okay either way.
5) You will never settle. This should be a posting all by itself. If people would follow this one rule, I think the divorce rate would plummet. In our search for love, we sometimes get desperate and we settle. There are certain standards we have for our mates but in the quest for love we let them fall by the wayside. Yeah in the beginning it is okay but fast forward and you are arguing over those things now. He or she is looking at you saying "you knew I was a smoker when we met". Then you are thinking, yeah but I thought you would quit. Whatever it is that is non-negotiable when it comes to relationship should not be excused no matter how fine they are, or how much money they make, or how good they are in bed. If you settle today you will regret it later.

Take care and enjoy life. Q

The Year that changed my life

The year was 1993. I will never forget it because it changed the course of my life. Not to say there aren't other years that have had an impact but 1993 instantly made the world as I saw it, look differently.

It started in January when my innocence was taken from me. I no longer viewed my body as my own. The love and pride I had for it was gone.

My mom broke up with the only man that had been like a father figure to me. My dad was incarcerated and he had been there through it all. After 10 years of knowing him, loving him, laughing, and playing with him, he was gone.

I also lost one of my best friends. Growing up I hung out with 2 girls, Taka and Nilsa. We were tight, inseparable. We dressed alike, was always with each other and was only a year apart. Nilsa with the oldest, followed by me, and then Taka. I followed Nilsa to Julia Richman for high school and it went downhill from there. Long story short, Nilsa was no longer a part of our group of 3 anymore. Everyone was to blame and we were young, and dumb but it hurt like heck.

The relationship with my mom changed. She met a guy who eventually became my sister's father. I could not stand him from the day I met him. I don't know if it was female intuition but there was something about him I just did not like. Of course my mom dismissed my feelings and I saw her change. For the first time I did not see her as the strong woman I once thought she was. She seemed blinded by her "like" for this new guy. I was still coming to terms with the fact that Winston was gone. It had only been 5 months since they had broken up and here she was falling all over herself for this dude. Then she hit me with a brick upside my head, she was pregnant and the guy was now incarcerated for a few months. What? Who is this woman? Why would she stoop so low? She changed, we argued, we did not get along, all the respect I had was gone.

Then one day I woke up and it was quiet. Way too quiet for NY. The phone ring, it was my best friend Taka telling me that one of our friends was killed. He was sitting on a bench after playing basketball and someone came up behind him and shot him in the head. He was dead in a pool blood. From my window I could see the basketball court. I saw the police tape, and a cloth draped over a body and it was stained in blood. He was killed at the basketball court I played at, in broad daylight. That was the last straw for me. I realized how cold and heartless people could be. He was young, a little older than me and he was now dead. From then on I could not walk on that court. I was always looking over my shoulders afraid someone would shoot me in the head. I could not sleep with the back of my head facing the window anymore. I began to sleep with pillows surrounding my head hoping they would protect me. I was scared all the time. I would jump anytime I heard a firecracker or a car tire backfire. I was only 14 years old and having a nervous breakdown.

1993 was the year that I left New York for South Carolina and never looked back. I still love my city and visit every year but I could never live there again. Q

Nothing shocks me anymore.....

There was a day when I would hear something on the news and I would just cringe but not anymore. This world is straight crazy and we are just living in it and trying to survive. The other day my husband told me about a guy who was stationed here and was also deployed with him. The guy was arrested for having porn on his computer. He went on to say the guy (a Captain) and his wife were both shown being taken away in handcuffs. The story is someone found pictures of the man and his wife having sex with their kids and animals. The kids ages range from I think 2- 11. They also mentioned the kids had begun to sexually abuse each other.

Last night I was watching the news and they arrested another couple for child abuse. Apparently this couple kept their 2 boys in a little dog cage with training collars on. You know the ones where you can press a button and it sends an electric shock. The boys managed to escape and the parents were arrested. One of the boys was 10 years old and only weighed 60 lbs.

I also saw another story in which a 21 year old woman confessed to smothering her 11 month old to death. At first she lied and said she was just holding the baby and she stopped breathing. Later she confessed she was tired of the responsibility of being a mother. She wanted to just party, drink, and smoke weed but couldn't with a child to take care of.

Nothing shocks me anymore. The thing that stands out in all 3 stories is the fact that the so-called mothers were involved in harming their children. It is one thing for a stranger, a distant relative, or heck even a dad who feels no bond to harm a child but their MOTHER?!!!!!! What has happened in this world that has caused mothers to turn their backs on their kids? Mothers are supposed to be the most dangerous people in the world. They should be willing to kill or be killed in order to protect their child. They should fight and seek justice against anyone who lays a hand on their child. They should be doing everything they can to protect their children. When mothers stop being motherly I know this world is coming to an end and I am no longer shocked by anything I read or hear. But just know that if anyone harms any of my girls, you will be visiting me in jail!!! Q

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Things won't make you happy....


I am always saddened when I hear people say "if I had a nice house, I would be happy" or "if I had a new car, I would be happy" or "if I could buy nice clothes, I would be happy". Having things does not equate to being happy. Happiness comes from the inside. Some of the most miserable people in the world are rich. They have all the things a person could want but they are still not happy. My pastor always says "if you are a jerk when you are poor and you don't change, when you get rich you will be a rich jerk". The same could be said about happiness. Sure getting those nice "things" will make you feel good temporarily. It is like caffeine or a drug that gives you this instant high and then as it wears off, you hit a low again.

It is great to feel good about having "things" but your happiness should not be wrapped up in them. Because of you should happen to lose those "things" can you still be happy? Will you still smile? Will you still be able to go on? Everyday I am happy and blessed because GOD allows me to see a new day I have never seen. I am happy because I am a great person and I love others. I am happy because I have wonderful friends, and family. I am happy because no matter what, GOD will never leave me or forsake me even if man does. Yes there are times when I feel sad or blue but I don't ever think that having things will change that. Instead I change my mindset or the situation to feel happy.

Don't ever look at another person who has the "things" you would like to have and think that is what makes them happy. You never know the struggle behind the "things" they have. You never know what type of sacrifices they had to make in order to get those "things". Strive to be happy with yourself just the way you are and make changes to be a better person for yourself. Try to be a blessing to others. Do the things necessary to put yourself in a better situation financially so that you can afford nice "things". Don't try to compete with others to get "things". GOD has a time for all of us to be blessed and what He has for you, is for you and no one else. Know that what GOD gives, He adds no sorrow to it. Look at your life and see just how blessed you are and be happy no matter what. Even if it seems bad, be happy knowing that GOD loves you. Things come and go but the love of GOD never fades. Q