Friday, May 04, 2007

Are you really ready for love?

"How can I love somebody else. When I can't, love myself enough to know when it's time, time to let go". Those are the words from "Be happy" by Mary J. Blige. I still remember the first time I heard those words. They stuck with me to this day because they are so profound and true. I know what it is like to feel lonely and want to be in a relationship. But I think some people are in love with the idea of love. They think being in love will be wonderful, magical and just make all of their problems go away. Unfortunately when love involves another human, it is not perfect. It is dented, bumpy, messy, and stressful.

Most people aren't really ready for love and the work a relationship involves, they are just sick of being alone. You need to ask yourself are you really ready for love. There are some key elements I feel are needed in order for someone to be ready for love and here they are.
1) You have to love yourself. No not the I think I am okay type of love but the love of self that allows you to feel great about yourself. No one should complete you or make you change who you are if you have love for yourself. You have to be okay with being alone. Enjoy having just yourself to worry about. Continue to go out and live your life to the fullest.
2) Your past relationships are behind you. You are walking down the street one day and you see the ex. You know, the one that broke your heart. The one you thought you were going to marry. The one that made you complete. Suddenly all of those emotions and feelings come back. The next thing you know you are at home, alone, crying, and eating some ice cream or drowning your sorrows. You need to be able to see that person and not flinch. This goes back to the Mary J Blige song. You have to love yourself enough to let go of the past. Until then you are not ready.
3) The walls around your heart are gone. Sometimes a good person is right there but we put up this wall. We won't let another person in but we expect them to just deal with it and love us anyway. You have to be willing to give love and be loved.
4) You are fine with the thought of not ever finding love. I know this is hard but bear with me. When people are soo focused being in love or finding love, it consumes them. It is this roller coaster of emotions because they meet someone, is happy about being in a relationship, and then it doesn't work out. Then they began to wonder what is wrong with them, how can they change, or what can they do. They drive themselves crazy and sometimes sick because they want love. But when you are fine the fact that it may not happen life can be a little easier. You are able to focus your time and energy on other things. I also believe you are then able to attract that special someone in your life. They will see you as this wonderful, confident, and content person and a love can take it's time and grow. You don't have it on this timetable or schedule because you are okay either way.
5) You will never settle. This should be a posting all by itself. If people would follow this one rule, I think the divorce rate would plummet. In our search for love, we sometimes get desperate and we settle. There are certain standards we have for our mates but in the quest for love we let them fall by the wayside. Yeah in the beginning it is okay but fast forward and you are arguing over those things now. He or she is looking at you saying "you knew I was a smoker when we met". Then you are thinking, yeah but I thought you would quit. Whatever it is that is non-negotiable when it comes to relationship should not be excused no matter how fine they are, or how much money they make, or how good they are in bed. If you settle today you will regret it later.

Take care and enjoy life. Q

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