Monday, April 30, 2007

In case you were mistaken, I am not perfect either

Nope. Not me. The other day a friend of mine told me she needed to talk with me. I could tell it was serious by the tone of her voice. Then later when she pulled me aside, another friend of ours also followed along. We sat down and Friend A said "Friend B has something she needs to tell you. I already know because she shared it with me earlier today. She was afraid to tell you because she didn't know how you would react. She is ashamed and embarassed but did not want to keep any secrets from you. She is afraid that you will look at her differently or won't want to be her friend after she tells you". By this time Friend B is crying uncontrollably. I look at Friend A and say "yall are scaring me". Finally Friend B tells me her secret. I look at her and say "that's it?, girl we all make mistakes". I went on to tell her somethings about myself and I finally told her "it's not how you start but how you finish".

Later that day, I called Friend B and told her I was going to punch her in the face. She laughed and asked why. I told her "there is nothing she can tell me that will ever make me stop loving her". I told her not to ever feel like she can't tell me anything because heck, I may have done that and more. My life is surrounded by people who have made mistakes, major mistakes. Myself included. My Dad whom I love very much, was a drug addict, killed a drug dealer, and served time in jail. He is now and great father, grandfather, and husband.

I think sometimes people have this false sense of me as a person. Sure my life is great now but I am far from perfect. Back in the day I was a rowdy, stuck up, selfish, cussing, loud, fighting heathen. Okay so I am still loud but you get my point, lol. When people see or hear the title of Minister with my name, they assume that means perfection. I am human just like everyone else. Yes I am blessed to have my calling, and yes I do all I can to represent the role I have been given but, I am not perfect. I have made many mistakes and if I live longer, I will continue to make more. I don't look down on people because that is not what Christ would do. Even if I was the type of person to do so, I would hope that my friends would not be friends with me.

Some people are shocked and feel ashamed when they find out I am a minister. They start to think about all of the things they have said or done around me. They tell me they always knew something was different about mebut they just didn't know HOW different. I tell them that I am not going to try to change them. I am going to live my life and be the light that Christ wants me to be in this world. I want to show them that you don't have to do certain things to have fun. You can still be holy and have a good laugh. I am grateful because most people do show respect by trying to cut back on their cussing when they talk to me or when I am in their presence (thanks Monica). That is the ultimate compliment because it shows you not only respect GOD, and my title, but you respect me as a person. People are shocked when I ask them to pray for me. I have struggles too although you may not see it. I am not perfect but I am striving to be perfect. Q

Friday, April 27, 2007

Maybe it's just YOU!!!! (Part 3 of the YOU series)

One day in 1997 a couple of friends and I went out to eat. I was on active duty in the Air Force at the time. It was a mix of men and women that day. We were from different states, with different backgrounds and ethnicities. Everything was going great. We were laughing and talking about our lives and experiences. Suddenly, the subject turned to relationships. I was in one at the time and we all gave our opinions, stories, or just spoke about how we felt. This one guy began to go on a rant about women. We went on and on about the women he encountered or dated. He talked about how they were too this, or too that, or how they didn't have this or that. He went on and on and on. Finally, me being the smart mouth I am, I looked at him and said "Maybe it's just YOU, have you ever thought about that". "Maybe the women aren't the problem at all because it seems like you are the common denominator". Everyone went silent for a second then, the guys started laughing and the girls started clapping.

My friend Michelle tells that story to this very day. She just loved how I put him in his place. I was thinking about this after my "wherever you go there you are" posting. I get so sick and tired of people complaining and whining but never doing anything to make things better for themselves. No I am not saying that life isn't hard or there aren’t people who try to sabotage or hurt you but I feel we just need to be more accountable for ourselves.

For instance, many people like the guy I mentioned will complain about the opposite sex. But, they never look at themselves to see why they are attracting or allowing themselves to be involved with those people. If YOU would set your standards a little higher and not focus on the outside, maybe YOU will have better relationships. Are you really the great boyfriend or girlfriend that you think YOU are? Maybe YOU have changed and that's why your SO is no longer happy. Maybe YOU are too controlling and bossy. Maybe YOU are not as caring and giving as YOU think YOU are.

People complain about being on a job for x amount of time without a raise or promotion. What if YOU stopped and thought about the kind of worker you are. Take some initiative and go above and beyond. Come in a little early or better yet on time, stay a little later, and present ideas that will help to make things run more efficiently. Look at the way you dress. Are you clean, sharp, neat, and presentable? Maybe your boss doesn't think you have what it takes yet so do the things necessary to set yourself above and apart from the other workers.

Sometimes we get stuck in ruts. We don't change, we don't adapt, and we don't grow. We are stubborn and think our way is the best and won't even entertain trying something new. Well guess what? Doing the same thing and expecting a different result is a form of insanity. Take a look at yourself and see if it is time for an attitude, lifestyle or spiritual adjustment. Maybe it is not the people around you that are holding you back or keeping you down. Maybe it is just YOU. Do what YOU can do to make things better for yourself and let GOD handle the rest. Q

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Opposites aren't the only ones that attract

When I look at my life I can't help but smile at how blessed I am. It is not perfect but I am thankful that I have come so far. Not just spiritually, and financially but emotionally. The woman that I look in the mirror now is a much better person than the woman I used to know 10 years ago. I would love to say that it all happened by mistake but, it is all by design.

I went through the early part of my life dealing with mess. I had messy so-called friends, messy boyfriends, and messy situations. My life was just a mess. I cleaned my slate a few years ago and because of that GOD has blessed me tremendously. I once prayed to HIM that I wanted real friends in my life and He did just that.

It is by His divine design that I have great and wonderful people in my life. People from all walks of life and from all around the world. But they all have the same things in common; they are great, wonderful, fabulous, and drama free. Just like I am. We may have some differences but the common denominator is a good heart, and a great spirit. We all have a love for other people and don't mind showing it. We all are upfront and honest even if it hurts. We rejoice and celebrate each other and we encourage and uplift when things seem down. We won't hesitate to give of our time or even our money to be a blessing to one another. We don't judge, criticize or condemn and we will speak out against anyone who tries to do so. We are very much alike.

I continue to attract those same kinds of people in my life. I don't even have to work to avoid the messy ones anymore because they leave on their own. They can't take my spirit, they can't love me for me, they don't like me, and that is just fine. I believe you can learn a lot about the person from the company they keep. I am blessed to know that I am in great company. Q

Wherever YOU go, there YOU are (Part 2 of the YOU series)

I recently started a workout called the Couch to 5k plan. It is a 9 week run/walk program. You start off running and walking for a certain amount of time. The goal is to get stronger and have more endurance. At the end of the nine weeks, you will run for 30 minutes or 5 miles. I like it because the program is very detailed, and only requires 3 workouts per week. Yesterday was week 2 day 2 of the workout and it was the hardest so far. At one point my shins were burning and I wanted to stop but I was so close to finishing. Instead I decide to slow down my walking pace which helped me to recover and then feel rested for the running portion. I was able to complete the workout and it felt great.

As I was driving I thought about the times in my life when things got hard and I ran. But no matter where I ran to, I couldn't run from myself. I couldn't run from the issues, the mental, physical, or spiritual struggles because they involved me. No matter where I went, there I was. So I stopped running. I don't run anymore. Running doesn't solve anything. It may provide a temporary relief, or moment of freedom but eventually when YOU realize YOU are still there, all the problems will come flooding back.

We have to face the challenges in our lives head on. We can't run and duck from things hoping they will magically fix themselves or will just go away. Most of the problems we face have to do with us. It is another thing to get away from another person or a bad environment but what if YOU are the problem. What if YOU allow yourself to be involved with people YOU should not? What if YOU didn't do the work necessary in order to get an education and have a better life? What if it is YOU that is holding YOU back and not anyone else? Maybe it is time for YOU to start with the man in the mirror. YOU can't fix or control anybody but yourself. Focus on being a better YOU, doing what is best for YOU, taking care of YOU, and dealing with YOU. Stop running from yourself because wherever YOU go, there YOU are. Q

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


Everyday I take my girls to school, I drive past a sign that has the current amount of the powerball lottery. I know it is a sin but darn that sign is just calling me. One day after dropping the kids off, I realize I am low on gas. I pull into the local station and low and behold there is a sign on the door for the powerball lottery. $57 million dollars!!! Man I can only imagine. So I finally breakdown. I will just purchase 3 tickets, one for each of my girls. I pay for my gas, grab my tickets and go on about my day.

Later that night I am praying and repent for purchasing the tickets. I did not even stay up to watch the numbers being drawn because I know the odds of winning are slim. The next morning, I watch the Today show and go about my day. Another day goes by. Finally I get a phone call from a friend, we are just chatting it up. She tells me that someone in Albuquerque won the lottery and has yet to come forward. I laugh and say it is probably me, and then say just kidding. Another week goes by. I am watching the news, they report that the lotto winner has yet to come forward. The lotto commissioner steps forward and advises everyone to check their tickets whether they believe they may have won or not. Thomas comes home and I tell him that I purchased 3 tickets. He looks excited and tells me I may be the winner. I think yeah right, but with his urging decide to finally check the tickets. The first line of numbers don't match, the second, don't match, the third... The third row of numbers match. We check and double check and then triple check, yup we won!!!

WE WON!!! Oh my goodness we won. I immediately sign the ticket and call my friend Tori who is a lawyer in town. I also call over my Pastor and his wife and have meeting. I can't sleep the entire night. Thomas is giddy at the thought of not having to wear that uniform again. We talk about all the people we are going to bless and go over the strategy Tori laid out for us. We are soo excited that we are crying tears of pure joy. There is no way we will be able to sleep. We just stare at the ticket, amazed, and just filled with joy. We stare and stare, and stare...

BEEP! BEEP! That's the sound of the car behind me. I am too busy staring at the lotto sign that I pass everyday and don't even notice I am doing 10 mph in a 40 moh zone. I was daydreaming and didn't even know it. Oh well, off to drop the girls off. Q

Monday, April 23, 2007

A Day in the Life of Queeny20

I had something else I wanted to post but it is raining right now and rain always makes me sleepy so I can't concentrate too well. I wanted to share how a day in my life is. Monday is the day that I spend "me time" and take care of business so I can deal with the rest of the week.
7:30 am- alarm goes off and I turn it off. My plan is to rest my eyes for a few more minutes
7:55 am- Aw shoot I fell back asleep, thank GOD I took my shower last night.
8:00 am- Fight with the girls to wake them up. Bria and Destiny decide to tell me they needed to wear brown today in honor of earth day. The only thing they have brown is a skirt suit. Of course Kaliyah pitches a fit because she wants to wear a skirt also.
8:10 am- The girls are eating and I am trying to iron their brown outfits.
8:20 am- I brush my teeth, pic and moisturize the fro and get dressed.
8:25 am- We are in the van driving to school. I have Toni Braxton playing in the Cd changer
8:37 am- I drop Bria and Destiny off just in time for the bell
8:43 am- I am at Kaliyah's school/daycare and drop her off. The kids oohh and ahh at her skirt suit and she eats it up
8:45 am- I am at Walmart getting some items for a church meeting today.
9:15 am- I am at church and mad because I rushed and no one is here.
9:30 am- Meet with my Pastor and first lady to discuss what went on yesterday
9:45 am- Chat with some of the members before prayer
10:00 am- We sing 2 hymns and start praying
10:30 am to 1:15 pm- Discuss and take care of church business
1:15 pm - 3:15 pm- run errands, make calls, fix dinner, and check on my online businesses
3:45 pm- Lay down and wait until my kids and hubby gets home
5:00 pm- As always Kaliyah is the first one to come and greet me with a kiss.
5:00 pm to 5:25 pm- Talk to the girls and Thomas about the day
5:30 pm- get ready for the gym
6:00 pm to 7:00pm- At the gym with my workout partner Lorena
7:15 pm to 8:00pm- Shower, chat with the girls, and get ready for heros
8:00 pm to 9:00pm- Heroes is our "date" show on Monday
9:00 pm- The girls brush their teeth, we tuck them in, read a bible story, and pray
9:15 pm to 10:30 pm- Check emails, process online orders if needed, and browse the web.
My bedtime varies but I try to be in the bed by 11:00 pm. Goodnight. Q

Sunday, April 22, 2007

I hate shopping for footwear

I really do. Yesterday I decided to finally buy some new sneakers. I was way overdue and headed to lady footlocker. My mom, and my cousin Rochelle love shoes. They would put the biggest shoe shopper to shame. They are the types to buy a shoe because it is cute even if it doesn't match anything they have in their wardrobe. Then they will go out and find an outfit just to go with their shoes. But not me. I buy what I need, when I need it and that is it.

I hate shopping for footwear because I have a big foot. Whenever I see a cute shoe in the display size, I get happy. Then when the salesperson brings the same shoe out in my size, it doesn't look so cute. That happened yesterday. I picked out 2 styles and one, they didn't have my size, and the other, did not look so cute. I finally settled on the one in the picture. They are skechers. I needed some cute, white sneakers and these are just right. I walked around the store in them for awhile and picked up a couple of shirts for working out. They were on sale, 5 for $24.99. The shoes were $49.99. When my items were rung up, the total was $74.79. Guess what I paid out of pocket? $0 Because I redeemed my mypoints credits for $85.00 in footlocker gift cards. Three of them was $25 each and the other was $10. So I still have $10.21 left on my gift cards. So inspite of my shoe shopping situation, I left with some cute shoes, comfy shirts, and not a dime of my own money spent. Q


This goes to the 2 people who ticked Thomas and I off today. You took me to a place I don't like to visit. You made my husband mad, and now I am done. The bible says that the power of life and death is in your tongue. Well your mouth wrote a check your behind can't cash, and now our relationship is dead.

You, who think just because you turned 18 last month can talk to me any kind of way. Understand this and understand it quick, I AM NOT THE ONE!!! If you think you are grown then be prepared for a grown beatdown the next time you come out your face the way you did today. You obviously forgot who you are dealing with. Understand that I forgive you but I won't EVER forget this. Don't expect me to have your back, and don't ask me to do any favors because you will get nothing, nada, zero. And since you think you are so grown, know that a grown person doesn't act the way you do. Until you know how to handle yourself and express your feelings with acting like a 2 year old, your age is nothing but a number.

You, who came to Thomas begging and pleading. He believed in you, and trusted you, and this is how you repay him?!!! It takes a lot for my husband to be done with someone but ding, ding, ding, you have won that honor today. Save your tears for someone who cares, cuz I ain't the one. You will need him again and just remember what you did. You ungrateful, lying, shady brat!!!

To those wondering what is going on, my husband and I had to horrible experiences with some young adults today. These are people we love and have gone to bat for but today they showed their tails!!!! We still love them, and will continue to pray for them, but the well of goodness we had for them is dried up and gone. Q

Friday, April 20, 2007

Hip Hop is Dead and R & B is on life support

Yeah I said and it is true. I remember back in the day loving music. I take that back, I still love music, but only good, quality music. Too bad there isn't that great of a selection in the mainstream. I remember when I had choices. I could look and there were some artists that were too sexual, some were too boring, some were okay, and some were awesome. Nowadays, that is not the case. Everytime I turn on the tv to watch videos I see the same thing, women wearing barely nothing, money being thrown in the air, expensive cars, and jewelry. It all looks like it was cut from the same mold, without any originality. The great artists are pushed to the back or not promoted at all. It is all about the money. Before there was a message, something that uplifted the people. Fortunately for hip hop, it can be resurrected. It will take a lot of work but it is possible.

My poor R and B is barely alive. I remember when singers just "sang". No "fifty-leben" special guest rap artist appearances, no producers shouting their names on songs, no making up words and not making sense. The videos actually went along with the songs. Now the "popular" female singers are almost naked, and crawling around on the ground like a snake gyrating, and moving. The wonderful Tina Turner did it all but she was still able to sing. Most of the artists today dance and then barely get out a couple of out of breath lyrics or will just lip sing. All they sell is sex and try to call that talent. I thank GOD for artists like Jill Scott, Corrine Bailey, Rae, Vivian Green, Heather Headley, and others you may or may not have heard about. They don't get the airplay and promotion like the others, but these women can "sang" on their albums. I have heard great things about their concerts as well. They don't need all the fireworks, dancers, and wardrobe changes just a couple of backup singers, a live band and thier great voices.

It's sad that in order to go platinum you have to take off your clothes or be society's standard of "sexy". The radio stations only play what is popular too so the other artists barely have a chance to make it. I am soo looking forward to seeing John Legend and Corrine Bailey Rae on May 16th. So far the reviews have been great. They are two of the artists that I feel are helping to keep R and B alive. They have great voices, write their music, and play instruments.

I have the Essential Luther Vandross CD. OJ Lima a freelance writer wrote about Luther, his life, and his career. This one part stood out for me and this is something all artists should be able to do:
"I had an amazing experience a few years ago at a festival in Philadelphia. Luther was headlining a stadium show. There were a dozen acts. People were tired, they'd been drinking all day. Around midnight, about the third song in, Luther went into 'A House Is Not A Home.' I'm tlling you- in this stadium of 50 thousand people, you could hear a pin drop. What he sand was incredible. What he didn't sing- the silence between the phrases- was even more unbelievable. You were scared to breathe, you didn't want him to mess up! At the end, those poor people just lost their minds! I talked to hime about and he said, 'Marcus anyone can holler, but getting them to keep quiet...Now that's something.' Luther was something special, R.I.P Mr. Vandross. Q

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Parenting, the hardest job you will ever have

I can still remember the day I gave birth to my first child. I was amazed at how much love I felt for another person. It was like a part of my soul was now living and breathing in the body of a little baby girl. With each birth I felt the same way. It was as if the love I have magically multiplied and I was able to equally love all of my kids with the same amount of love. As they grew, I watched three little parts of my soul learn to walk, talk, and develop their own personalities.

But being a parent is hard. At night, I don't sleep with my door closed or theirs just so I can hear them. I am never in a deep enough sleep to not know what is going on. Even when they get up in the middle of the night, I can tell by the sounds which one of them is up. I want them to have a wonderful life and do all I can to provide for them but I can't always be there with them. It broke my heart when my daughter came home sad one day because she felt as if she didn't have any friends. Although I was able to make her feel better, I knew because of the world we live in, there would be more days she would feel sad and cry and there would be nothing I could do. It pained me to have to explain to them the difference between "okay touch and not okay touch". When I was telling them that no one should touch their "private areas", Destiny looked at me confused and asked "why would someone want to do that"? I then had to go further and explain it to her. I also had to teach them what to do if someone tries to take them. I even had them practice screaming and what words to use. It should not be soo hard but it is.

Earlier this week, I watched in horror like everyone else as the news came in about the Virginia Tech shooting. All I could think about was the parents of the 33 victims. I thought about how much they worried wondering if their son or daughter was alive. I thought about how they cried and was filled with pain, anger, and sadness when they received the news. I also thought about the parents of the killer. Although I don't excuse his actions and believe he will answer for them, he was still someone's child. I can't imagine finding out that not only is your child dead but that he killed himself, and took the lives of 32 people. People who were children of someone else. I know they wondered where did they go wrong with their son. They probably wondered, what could they have done to help him and stop him from taking such drastic measures.

As parents we take on everything when it comes to our kids. I know I would be filled with guilt knowing that the child I loved, and raised could do something so horrible. But just like we grow and make choices to do right or wrong, our children do too. So when our children do wrong, we have to love them for being apart of our souls and have peace if you have done the best you can. The rest is in GOD's hands. Q

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I want to smell my flowers, thank you

Ever since the passing of Anna Nicole Smith, I have been thinking. I am always amazed at the outpouring of emotion and kind words when someone passes always. But I always wondered why now? I mean why wait when someone is gone to say how much they mean to you? Why wait until they are buried to say how much you loved them? It amazed me to see all of these stars and friends talk about their memories of her now that she is gone. I saw pics from the funeral and read about the huge arrangement of flowers put together for her burial.

Me. I want to smell my flowers. I want to enjoy them. I want to know who sent them and call them up and thank them. I want to look at them and smile thinking about the wonderful person who sent them. I want to know that someone loved me or cared enough about me to send me flowers. I want to know how much I mean to someone, or how I have touched them. I want to reminisce right now about the crazy stuff, the funny stuff or the time I made them laugh, cry or do both at the same time.

What I am trying to say is don't wait until someone is gone to talk about how much you love them. Don't wait until they are dead and buried to talk about how much they meant to you. Don't put off calling someone up you haven't spoken to in awhile. Don't wait until you have time to drop a note or a card, or even an email you have been meaning to send for awhile. Make sure all those you care about know it and if you have been mad with someone, be the bigger person and let them know that you love them anyway. Make sure they enjoy their flowers while they are alive. Life is too short. Q

The soul YOU save will be your own (Part 1 of the YOU series)

When I first got saved I was on a mission to save the world. I wanted all of my friends and family to accept Jesus as their personal savior. I would get frustrated when it seemed like they didn't care. I spent a lot of time with other people only to feel disappointed and letdown when they went back to their old ways. It became way too personal. I'm not saying that I should not care or want others to experience Christ. But I took it personal, as if they were rejecting me.

August of this year will make 10 years since I gave my life to Christ. The Queneesha then and the Queneesha now are so different from each other. I am wiser spiritually, I am now a minister, and I have an even deeper relationship with Christ. One of the biggest things I know now that I didn't know before is, salvation is a personal decision between Christ and a person and no one else. In other words, You are responsible for You. That's it!!!

We all will have to stand before God and give an account of our actions. We won't have our mother, or father, or anyone else who will be able to take our place. When you realize that, living as a Christian is much easier. Instead of trying to "save" someone, you instead become an example for salvation. Jesus is the only one that can "save" another person. It takes that person accepting Him and following Him so their name can be written in the Book of Life. You must always focus on your own soul first and foremost. Make sure you are doing what God has called you do to, make sure you are the light this world needs, make sure you are a living example of who Christ is and let him do the rest. Jesus called us to be fishers of men, we catch them with our goodness and kindness, and let Him clean them. Q