Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Steps for a beautiful braid out

One of my favorite styles to wear as a natural is a braid out. You basically braid your hair and then later unbraid it leaving it with a wavy texture you can style as you like. I use good quality products like Envia from Melaleuca. But I have also found some products you can find at Walmart, Target, or Walgreens that work very well. For my last braid out, I used these products.

They are a bone comb which you can get from ebay or another online store. I will post some links later. These are handmade combs that don't have seams that can damage your hair. I have 3 in different sizes.

Next is The Palma Christi Castor Oil. I got this from Vitamin Cottage but you can probably get it from any health food store.

Then there is Suave humectant shampoo that I picked up from Walmart.

Finally there is Pantene relaxed and natural deep conditioning hair mask.
Here is step by step of how I did it.
1) I put my hair in 4 loose braids and slathered each one with about 2 T of castor oil and let it sit for 10 minutes. This keeps my hair from being stripped during washing and it somehow helps with detangling. I don't know how but it works

2) I wash my hair while it is still in the loose braids first. Then I open one braid at a time, wash, rinse, and rebraid.

3) I wring some of the water out and then open each braid, slather on the hair mask, making sure to concentrate on my ends and rebraid. I let that sit for 10 minutes sometimes with a shower cap on.

4) I like to use the shower to rinse because the force of the water helps with detangling. I use my fingers to work through each braid, rinse the hair and rebraid.

5) I wrap my hair in a towel to catch the moisture. Then I open each braid at a time, section off some hair, detangle with my comb from the ends up, reapply some more castor oil and braid. I do that all over until I have about 12-16 braids over my entire head. I put a little more oil on the ends, put on my scarf and go to sleep.

6) The next day, I take out the braids and style it.

Let me know if you have any questions. Here is some pics of my last braid out. Q

Birthday party pics

Bria and Kaliyah had their parties this weekend. Bria had a high school musical theme and Kaliyah had a princess theme. I made the cakes according to their themes. Just so yall know, Bria picked out her outfit!!! Q

Friday, October 26, 2007

Dear Mama

I was talking to a friend on the phone the other night and she asked me if I would put all of my life experiences out here in the blog world or in the book I am writing. I told her I would love to but at the same time I am cautious. Not because of how others would view me but how what I reveal would affect those who are closest to me specifically my mom.

My mom and I have a strong yet dramatic relationship. We have had some serious ups and downs but through it all, I know that she loves me. I know she has a little bit of guilt about the way things turned out in my life. I know she wishes she could have done things differently and made better choices. But I also know she has always wanted nothing but the best for me.

The good and the not so good I saw in her life, made me the person I am. Meaning the things that were good, I wanted for myself. The things that were not so good, I tried my best to avoid. From her eyes she probably only focuses on the not so good. But it is the lessons we get out of experiences that matter. I don't want to type, print, or post something to make her feel even more guilty. It's like Mary J. Blige once said "I forgive for everything but I blame you for nothing".

My mom is a beautiful, strong, intelligent, determined, a little crazy, but caring woman. All I am, and all I will be is because of her and the love she gave me and she continues to give. Mom don't ever feel bad or guilt about the past because it is what it is. Instead look at the present and the future and all the wonderful blessings that have come our way. I love you and although you drive me crazy, you are the BEST Mom in the entire world and I couldn't imagine my life without you. I LOVE YOU!!! Q

Monday, October 22, 2007

My hair my glory

I went natural in November 2001. The pic I have for this blog is my last picture of my relaxed hair. It has been a journey but I am happy with my hair right now. I will post more in the coming days about how I care for my hair and the products I use. Yesterday I washed, blow dried, and had my hair flat ironed. Here are 2 pics. The first shows it blow dried. The 2nd was taken today. As you can see after church, traveling back from Phoenix, and work today, it is not as straight but oh well. Enjoy!!! Q

Here is the link to my fotki the password is member. Click on Hair Album 2007 to see the pics of my hair. Q

Happy Birthday Kaliyah!!!

My baby turned 5 today which means next year she will be in kindergarten. Yay for me and her. Mommy loves you Li Li!!! Q

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Deal$ and Steal$

It all started yesterday when I went to Target to get some of that pantene hair mask. It was originally $4.84 and the girl accidentally gave me the $2.00 off coupon for it. I had heard great reviews and wanted to try it because I am going to press my hair this weekend. I should have ran back in and got another jar but I will test it out first.

Next I went to a store to get some boots. I got a pair that was originally $60.00 for under $29.00 with tax. They are the shorter boots in the picture below.

Then today I decided to stop by this other shoe store after I went to Sally's (I got the fermodyl 619 for BOGO). I was looking for some tall black boots. I wear a size 11 so I was getting discouraged until I went in the back and noticed a pair I like. I was going to post cursing all the small footed women. It had 3 different prices on it. The original price was $79.99. Then it had $65.00. Then another sign said $45.00. I took them to the register and asked the guy for the price and he said $45.00 and I said I'll take them. I used my debit card and he asked for my i.d. The first one on top was my military one and he said you know we also give a 15% military discount? I was cheesing like a kid in the candy store. I got those boots for less than $42.00 with tax and everything.

Oh and the icing on the cake for me is, I finally finished my taxes and instead of paying we are getting money back. We both are getting half and it is a nice chunk too. Yup and that is what I am going to use for x-mas gifts and the rest I will spend on me. If only you could see how hard I am cheesing right now. Q

Young and dumb

After everything I went through with L.A., you would think I became smarter and wiser in my choices of men. But no you are wrong. I never let anyone put their hands on me like he did but I continued to make bad choices when it came to men. I often wonder why. I know it has to do with the fact that I didn't have a male figure to look up to. One that could show me how a man was supposed to treat a woman. Also there was just a lack of love for myself, and my soul was just empty. I was looking for others to fill it when they were just as empty themselves.

I can look back and see how young and dumb I was. I now know to never look for someone to complete me because if they leave, does that make me incomplete? Even now I love my husband but I don't have the same kind of blind trust or faith in him like I do for the Lord. Because just like me, he is human and can and will make mistakes. I don't take him for granted because I know he is awesome but the only person I can trust without a shadow of doubt, is the Lord. He loved me when no one else could or would. He loved me when I didn't love myself. He loves me more than I could ever love myself.

I am grateful for all of the stuff I did when I was young and dumb because it all brought be back to where I needed to be. All of it made the person that I am today. I thank God everyday that I made it out all my mess alive, stronger, and somewhat sane (hey we all got a little crazy in us). Next year I will be 30 years old. I have been married longer than I have been in my 20's because Thomas and I make 10 years in July. Some people thought I was way to young but when they hear all the stuff I went through, they know I already lived a full life. I don't know what story I am going to post next but hopefully whichever one it is, it will give you another glimpse of my life and show you just how blessed I am to be here today. Q

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I wonder (The conclusion)

My best friend looked at me with fear in her eyes too. She said "if he kills you, he is going to have to kill me too". Then we tried to act normal and walk past him with our head down even though we knew he had seen me. Someone grabbed my arm and I turned quickly to face him. Just then my best friend jumped in front of me and said "hey L.A. what's up?". He nodded at her and smiled all the while trying to go around her to get to me. "Where you been?" she asked. "Oh I got locked up on some stupid sh*t but I am back out now", he responded. Then he looked at me and said "come here". I said "no". "Come here I said I just want to talk to you". By now he is following me as I walk around my best friend trying to avoid him. We both noticed that he was moving slow and stumbling.

She turned to him and said "L.A. what's wrong with you, are you drunk?" "Yeah I just drunk some Saint Ides and Mad dog 20/20" and then he laughed. Then he said to my friend "tell your girl to come here so I can talk with her. I promise I will leave her alone if she just talks to me". She said "L.A. whatever you can say to her you can say to me" as she continued to stand in front of me. Just then I stepped to the side of her and said "what do you have to say?" He laughed and said "oh you are bold now huh, I like that. I always liked that about you, you are the only one that would fight me back". "I miss you do you miss me?" "No", I said. "I still love you, do you love me?" "No I don't." "So what you got another n*gga or something?' he asked. "Yes I do" I said hoping that would care him off. Then all of a sudden the rage returned to his eyes and he was coming towards me, I stepped to the side and he stumbled past me. His fist just barely missed me.

He was now behind us so we both turned around to face him with our fists up ready to fight. He took another swing and missed. Then he launched towards me and was able to grab me and put me in a bear hug. "Get off of me I yelled." "I love you, why don't you love me?" My best friend is trying to get him off of me and at the same time he is kissing me all over my face. I was able to break free and push him off. "You are crazy" I yelled. "I know" he said as he smiled. "L.A. I swear if you put your hands on me, I am going to jail tonight. I am sick of this sh*t and I am sick of you. You call yourself a man. Men don't put their hands on women. How would you like it if someone put their hands on your sister or your mother? So you do what you gotta do and let's get this over with. I ain't afraid to die", I told him.

I must have looked and sounded crazy because my best friend was in shock and he just stood there looking and thinking. Then he said "forget you, I got another girl who gives it up to me anyway so you ain't worth my time." "Well if you have moved on and I have moved on, why are you standing here bothering me? Go on to your new girl then. You move on with your life and I will move on with mine." He said nothing but just stared with his eyes red as if he was still trying to decide what to do. "Let's go" I said to my best friend. We turned to walk away all the while I am scared hoping, praying that he doesn't run up and stab me from behind or shoot me. But I knew I had to be strong because as long as he thought I feared him, he would continue to terrorize me.

We slowly walked taking big steps farther and farther away from him. When we got to the corner to cross the street we turned to see the tall, slender, figure with dreads walking in the other direction. We both sighed and then ran like heck. That was the last time I seen or heard from L.A.

I wonder whatever happened to him.
I wonder if he went to jail or if he was killed.
I wonder if he ever got over the issues that made him do the things he did.
I wonder how many other girls fell victim to him.
I wonder what would have happened to me if I would not have stood my ground.
I wonder.... Q

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I wonder (continued)

It had been 3 weeks since I had heard or seen L.A. The scar on my finger was healed but I was still trying to deal with it all. Everyday I lived in fear. I would come home and quickly get to the apartment. My best friend lived one floor below mine and I would make her come up and get me so I could visit her. Soon I began to let my guard down. I figured I was off his radar but I wasn't.

The phone rang "Hello" I answered. The voice said "You think I forgot about you but I haven't. One day when you least expect it you are going to be walking to your building. I am going to walk up behind you and slit your throat. Or maybe I will break into your house and rape you. Or it might be easier for me just to use you as target practice for my new gun". I cried and asked him "why, why can't you just leave me alone". "Because I love you" he said. He laughed and told me crying wasn't going to make him feel bad, and then he hung up. I stopped answering the phone and then he started sending messages by my friends.

"L.A. told me to tell you he loves you"
"L.A. says he misses you"
"L.A. wants you to call him"
"L.A. says stop avoiding him"
"L.A. says if he catches you with another n*gga he is going to kill both of you"

For 3 months I lived in fear. During that time I saw him when I was outside my apartment building sitting on the stoop. My mom was with me and he saw her but didn't say anything. Instead he just smiled and made a slashing motion against his throat and just pointed. He made one last attempt to call me and get back together but by this time, I was fed up. "If you are going to kill me go ahead and do it already. I am sick of this and I am sick of you". He laughed and thought I would back down but I didn't. "Just know that I won't go down without a fight", I told him and I hung up. I decided then I was going to get my life back. I think he enjoyed scaring me and I was giving him just what he wanted. Deep down I was still a little scared but you couldn't tell on the outside.

One day my best friend told me she had heard L.A. was locked up for attempted murder. I felt as sense of relief. I had already gotten back on with my life but hearing that made me cry. I was overcome with so much emotion of all the mess he had put me through. The strange thing is, I also felt a little sad for him. What I haven't told is the story he told me about how messed his life was. About how horrible his father was to him, his mom, and his sister. About all the messed up stuff that was said and done to him that ultimately made him the person he had become. It was easy to hate the person who did such horrible things to me but I still cared for the little boy I knew lived deep inside of him. So I was torn. Yes I was happy he was away but yet sad.

One day, almost 6 months after I had last seen or heard from him, my best friend and I are walking down the street on our way to the store. We see this tall, slender figure with dreads stumbling walking towards us. She looked at me and I looked at her and we both thought "no it can't be". But it was and before I could turn around and run he saw me and was coming straight for me..... (Coming up, the final confrontation) Q

Hey everybody, thank you so much for reading this story. I have been getting a lot of emails about this and wanted to provide some background info. Yes, this is a true story. Yes the girl in the story is me. I have been wanting to share this for some time now but never got around to it. I wasn't able to post it in it's entirety because just the thought and the memories of what happened drained me emotionally.

I am hoping this story will help others, especially young girls who might find themselves or a friend in a similar situation. Thankfully I came out of this alive and well but others have not been so lucky. Love doesn't hurt and if someone hurts you, or if you start to see signs, LEAVE!!! My biggest mistake was not getting out of the situation sooner. The final part of this story will be posted tomorrow. Thanks again Q

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I wonder

I was only 13 years old when I met him. He was tall about 6'2", slender build, dreads, and gorgeous hazel eyes. His nickname was L.A. because that's where he was from. He had only lived in New York for a few years and already had a name for himself. I was drawn to him. There was something so mysterious and dark about him that intrigued me.

I would sneak to my best friend's house to talk to him on the phone or wait until my mom was at school. I wasn't allowed to have boys call the house just yet. It was cool because my best friend was dating his friend so I would just go hang with her and we would meet them. I knew he was no good but yet I felt drawn to him.

At first I thought it was cute when he would get jealous. I thought it meant that he really liked me. Soon it became irritating but I just brushed it off. Everyone thought I was crazy to be with "him" but I loved it. Even the way he kissed me was weird. It was hard, but yet passionate at the same time. It never went any further but I was tempted.

Soon the jealousy grew and grew. I couldn't talk to or hang out with my guy friends. He had to know what I did, who I was with, and would get mad when he couldn't talk to or see me. I got fed up and said "you are crazy" to which he replied, "I know and if you try to leave me, I will kill you." I became scared. I tried to break it off but he wouldn't let me go. Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into. So I stayed, just to keep him happy, just so I could feel safe.

It was a Tuesday night and we sat on the staircase. I told him, I didn't think we should stay together. At first he was angry but then said "you are right, this is getting crazy". I felt relieved that he took it so well. We even laughed and joked so I thought everything was okay. I was wrong. "I want to play a game" he said. "Okay" I replied. He took out a small pocket knife. "What are you doing", I asked. "Nothing just hold your hand out and let me show you a trick", he said. I hesitated but those hazel eyes got to me. I spread my fingers out and he quickly started sticking the knife on the staircase in between my fingers. Then without even looking he said "so you are breaking up with me huh"? "Yes" I replied then bam, he hit my middle finger with the knife. Just enough to break the skin but not through the bone. I pulled my hand back in pain and looked at him. He smiled and said "you are mine forever". Suddenly those eyes I loved look so evil.

My instinct kicked in and I pushed him back. He went flying down the stairs backwards. I was scared but knew I had to try to get out of here. He jumped up quickly and came rushing at me with this fist. Punch!!! Right into my stomach. I bent over in pain and called for my friend to help. He picked me up and slammed me down barely missing my head. He stood over me looking and as my friend and boyfriend ran up and grabbed him, I ran as quickly as I could back home.

I sat in my room crying, scared, shocked at what just happened. My mom was still at school. My phone rang and rang and I knew it was him. I finally answered and he said "I'm sorry, I love you". The pain I was feeling wouldn't allow me to feel sympathy. "It's over", I said. "That's what you think" said the voice on the other end. The next couple of days were crazy. I was constantly looking over my shoulder and avoiding his calls. Then one night I looked outside my window and there he was standing on the corner, smiling, looking right back at me. I thought I was imagining it but my best friend saw him too. After a few weeks, the calls stopped, the visits stopped and I figured he had moved on to his next victim. I was wrong....

To be continued.... Q

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Album Review: Bac of My Lac- J Holiday

Thanks to Letitia, I decided to start reviewing the albums I have purchased as of late. I wanted to start with J Holiday because this cd is in heavy rotation in my player. Here is the review I wrote for

I was on the look out for J Holiday ever since I saw the "Be with me" video. Then "Bed" was released and I was even more excited. I read about how he wanted to bring R & B back and waited with anticipation. Boy did he deliver. I listened to the album via BET the week prior and I was hooked. This is truly one of those "My Life" type albums where you can just put it in, press play and just sing along.

I was a little disappointed that he had an advisory on his album but thankfully I ordered the clean version via He has a little bit of something for everybody. If you want to dance listen to "Betcha Never Had" and "Come Here". You can also groove to "Ghetto", "Thug Commandments", and "Without You". Then he has those begging down on bended knee, baby I'm begging baby I'm begging, begging baby type joints like "Suffocate", "Fatal", "Fallin" and my favorite, "Pimp in Me". His falsetto in "Pimp in Me" gave me chills!!!

There are also the little things that no one else would notice that make this album great like the guitar in the background of "Bed" and "Fallin" and the background vocals in "Fatal" and "Fallin". You can tell he thought of everything because those little things make a song sound totally different. Overall I am extremely impressed and hope he continues to stick to the formula he used for this album for any future albums minus the cuss words. The cherry on the top is there are no guest appearances on this album which is rare in this day and age. Thanks to J Holiday, I think R & B will be making a comeback!!! Q

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Happy Birthday Bria!!!

My beautiful baby girl is 9 today. Mommy loves you so much!!! Q

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Hello blog

I don't have much to say right now because I am in a bad mood. But I wanted to put something out since I haven't posted in a few days. I love all of yall who read this!!! Q