Thursday, October 18, 2007

Young and dumb

After everything I went through with L.A., you would think I became smarter and wiser in my choices of men. But no you are wrong. I never let anyone put their hands on me like he did but I continued to make bad choices when it came to men. I often wonder why. I know it has to do with the fact that I didn't have a male figure to look up to. One that could show me how a man was supposed to treat a woman. Also there was just a lack of love for myself, and my soul was just empty. I was looking for others to fill it when they were just as empty themselves.

I can look back and see how young and dumb I was. I now know to never look for someone to complete me because if they leave, does that make me incomplete? Even now I love my husband but I don't have the same kind of blind trust or faith in him like I do for the Lord. Because just like me, he is human and can and will make mistakes. I don't take him for granted because I know he is awesome but the only person I can trust without a shadow of doubt, is the Lord. He loved me when no one else could or would. He loved me when I didn't love myself. He loves me more than I could ever love myself.

I am grateful for all of the stuff I did when I was young and dumb because it all brought be back to where I needed to be. All of it made the person that I am today. I thank God everyday that I made it out all my mess alive, stronger, and somewhat sane (hey we all got a little crazy in us). Next year I will be 30 years old. I have been married longer than I have been in my 20's because Thomas and I make 10 years in July. Some people thought I was way to young but when they hear all the stuff I went through, they know I already lived a full life. I don't know what story I am going to post next but hopefully whichever one it is, it will give you another glimpse of my life and show you just how blessed I am to be here today. Q

1 comment:

alynxx said...

hi there, As a young woman I read this post and was really touched. I too had no one to show me how a woman should be treated. thank God that the ppl around me protected me from the sharks that could have taken advantage of my naievety (sp!)! This is really soul cleansing!