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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Today I needed them more than they needed me..

The morning drive to drop the Supremes off is the time I spend to talk to them. Instead of listening to music, we talk. It is one small way I am able to show them how important what goes on in their lives mean to me. I decided to tell them about Chris' passing. I didn't want to do it at night because I didn't want them to have that on their mind before going to sleep. So I choose this time in case they have any questions. It took me a few moments to find the right words without bursting into tears. But I think they already knew something was amiss.

K didn't give me any grief while getting dressed. As I was fixing her belt on her pants, she touched my face with her hands and gave me a kiss. D who is usually in her own world in the morning, stood behind me on the couch while I put my shoes on. B who is usually in the playroom reading a book, sat next to me. I don't know if it was my mood or the fact that my eyes showed the telltale signs of crying, but they knew.

They each reacted differently when I told them but all 3 were shocked. At the light, I looked at them in the rearview mirror. K was resting her head on the armrest. B had her hood on and was looking down at her hands. D just stared out the window. It took all I could to not cry at that very moment. I broke the silence by telling them they could help Chris' family by making a card or writing a letter. They were happy they could do something to help.

Once we arrived at school, they didn't run off with their friends. All 3 of them asked me questions about school and walked close to me. It was as if they were trying to cheer me up. After I signed them in, all 3 of them stayed nearby and gave me a kiss. Even B who is sometimes too cool and D who thinks kisses are germy. As I was leaving they stood there watching me, told me they loved me, and smiled and waved. I guess they knew because as soon as I got back to my van, the tears fell. That was one of the hardest things I've had to tell them. They knew Chris. They adored him, and he was like family to us.

Here I was trying to be strong for them, but they were strong for me. This is so very hard for me. Since August, I've lost 5 people who were close to me. No matter how many times it happens, it doesn't hurt any less. It doesn't get any easier. Each one of them was special to me. Each one of them meant something to me. I miss all of them. My girls knew I was hurting and they blessed me. Today I needed them more than they needed me and my girls had my back. I thank God for blessing me with them. Q

2 comments:

Ro said...

*hug*

LongHairDontCare said...

god bless your girls, que! they are amazing!