Saturday, January 09, 2010
I am addicted to buying body products. This was going to be a lighthearted post about my love for body scrubs, oils, lotions, and perfumes but the more I thought about it, the more I felt the need to open up. Before I go any further, let me say please don't feel sorry for me. I am fine and I just felt the need to share in hopes my story will bless someone. That is the purpose of this blog anyway so here goes.
Every addiction has an event or series of events that led up to it. Whether it's alcohol or drug abuse. Those memories, those thoughts and experiences feed the addiction. Well mine isn't any different. I guess it started around the time I hit puberty. That's when my body started changing and it kind of went down hill from there. I am what most of us would consider the person with the bad body odor. Or at least I was. I remember it really picking up in Junior High School. One day, our chorus director mentioned that someone needed to wash under their arms because there as a musty odor. After she left, I remember one of the girls going around sniffing everyone's arms and then she got to me and stopped. It was a horrible time and people used it to hurt me. When I would get in an argument with someone, they would say the most hurtful things. I remember this one girl that I considered my friend just yelling at me and telling me I stunk and then having others join in agreement. What could I say, it was true. She tried to apologize but the damage was done.
Now before you jump to conclusions, understand my problem wasn't bad hygiene practices. But I didn't know it at the time. I remember crying myself to sleep at night and praying that God would help me. This cycle continued over the years getting worse. I remember hearing a family member I lived with was talking about how stink I was and she even told me that the reason by boyfriend broke up with me was because I stunk. That hurt me to the core. He never confirmed it but I still often wonder if that was the reason.
Over the years I learned to deal with it. Whenever I noticed myself getting sweaty, I would excuse myself and go change or wash. It was to the point where I was washing almost 4 times a day. I started getting into body products to mask the odor but that didn't help. That's why the stories people told about me sleeping with this person and that person are hilarious because I was so self conscious about my odor that I barely wanted anyone to touch me. It wasn't until I was in the military that I got fed up. I went to see my assigned nurse practitioner, hoping and praying she had an answer for me. After asking me some questions, she finally told me, I had what she had, hyperhidrosis or excessive sweating.
From there I realized the sweating bred bacteria which then of course stunk leaving me with a musty odor. I made it my mission to find out more about it. The internet wasn't big like it is now so I took to the library and began to research. It went further than the sweating. I found out about how our bodies function and how food plays a role in odor as well. I also learned about body chemistry and how certain smells can react negatively with your natural body scent therefore giving off a less than desirable odor.
So here I am in my 30's and I guess my past still haunts me so to speak. I guess subconsciously, I still have issues with what I experienced growing up. I take about 2 showers everyday. I make sure I wear breathable clothing. I carry wipes and a arsenal of other items just in case I have one of those episodes. I am very much aware of my body and what goes well with my chemistry. When someone tells me I smell good, I can feel a part of my past just peeling away. It's as if those words are undoing the harsh ones I heard growing up. I am also very tuned in to the Supremes and I hope and pray they don't inherit this condition from me. But if they do, I will be right there to help them so they can avoid what I went through. So many people dismissed me and just said, "well you need to wash" not knowing it was deeper than that. I don't want that to happen to them.
So yes, I have an addiction. I love for my body to be nice, clean and smelling good. As you can see from the pic above, I have several scrubs. That is down from the almost 20 I had at one point. I won't even post a pic of the oils, and lotions I own!!!! I don't think it will ever stop because now it is far deeper than the my past. There is something about a nice scrub at the end of a long hard day. I love slathering on lotion and massaging my body. Then curling up under the covers and smell the linger of the lotion or oil I just put on. I love the glow my body has from being exfoliated just right. I love my nice brown even skin tone. I love how the Supremes are always rubbing on my arm and telling me how soft I feel. I love when my husband cuddles up under me and say, "umm you smell soo good." Yup I'm addicted and proud of it!!! Q
For those who may be suffering, here are some links to help you. And please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Much love. Q