Saturday, January 09, 2010

My name is Queeny and....

I am addicted to buying body products. This was going to be a lighthearted post about my love for body scrubs, oils, lotions, and perfumes but the more I thought about it, the more I felt the need to open up. Before I go any further, let me say please don't feel sorry for me. I am fine and I just felt the need to share in hopes my story will bless someone. That is the purpose of this blog anyway so here goes.

Every addiction has an event or series of events that led up to it. Whether it's alcohol or drug abuse. Those memories, those thoughts and experiences feed the addiction. Well mine isn't any different. I guess it started around the time I hit puberty. That's when my body started changing and it kind of went down hill from there. I am what most of us would consider the person with the bad body odor. Or at least I was. I remember it really picking up in Junior High School. One day, our chorus director mentioned that someone needed to wash under their arms because there as a musty odor. After she left, I remember one of the girls going around sniffing everyone's arms and then she got to me and stopped. It was a horrible time and people used it to hurt me. When I would get in an argument with someone, they would say the most hurtful things. I remember this one girl that I considered my friend just yelling at me and telling me I stunk and then having others join in agreement. What could I say, it was true. She tried to apologize but the damage was done.

Now before you jump to conclusions, understand my problem wasn't bad hygiene practices. But I didn't know it at the time. I remember crying myself to sleep at night and praying that God would help me. This cycle continued over the years getting worse. I remember hearing a family member I lived with was talking about how stink I was and she even told me that the reason by boyfriend broke up with me was because I stunk. That hurt me to the core. He never confirmed it but I still often wonder if that was the reason.

Over the years I learned to deal with it. Whenever I noticed myself getting sweaty, I would excuse myself and go change or wash. It was to the point where I was washing almost 4 times a day. I started getting into body products to mask the odor but that didn't help. That's why the stories people told about me sleeping with this person and that person are hilarious because I was so self conscious about my odor that I barely wanted anyone to touch me. It wasn't until I was in the military that I got fed up. I went to see my assigned nurse practitioner, hoping and praying she had an answer for me. After asking me some questions, she finally told me, I had what she had, hyperhidrosis or excessive sweating.

From there I realized the sweating bred bacteria which then of course stunk leaving me with a musty odor. I made it my mission to find out more about it. The internet wasn't big like it is now so I took to the library and began to research. It went further than the sweating. I found out about how our bodies function and how food plays a role in odor as well. I also learned about body chemistry and how certain smells can react negatively with your natural body scent therefore giving off a less than desirable odor.

So here I am in my 30's and I guess my past still haunts me so to speak. I guess subconsciously, I still have issues with what I experienced growing up. I take about 2 showers everyday. I make sure I wear breathable clothing. I carry wipes and a arsenal of other items just in case I have one of those episodes. I am very much aware of my body and what goes well with my chemistry. When someone tells me I smell good, I can feel a part of my past just peeling away. It's as if those words are undoing the harsh ones I heard growing up. I am also very tuned in to the Supremes and I hope and pray they don't inherit this condition from me. But if they do, I will be right there to help them so they can avoid what I went through. So many people dismissed me and just said, "well you need to wash" not knowing it was deeper than that. I don't want that to happen to them.

So yes, I have an addiction. I love for my body to be nice, clean and smelling good. As you can see from the pic above, I have several scrubs. That is down from the almost 20 I had at one point. I won't even post a pic of the oils, and lotions I own!!!! I don't think it will ever stop because now it is far deeper than the my past. There is something about a nice scrub at the end of a long hard day. I love slathering on lotion and massaging my body. Then curling up under the covers and smell the linger of the lotion or oil I just put on. I love the glow my body has from being exfoliated just right. I love my nice brown even skin tone. I love how the Supremes are always rubbing on my arm and telling me how soft I feel. I love when my husband cuddles up under me and say, "umm you smell soo good." Yup I'm addicted and proud of it!!! Q

For those who may be suffering, here are some links to help you. And please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Much love. Q
More info
Web MD


Alex said...

Great post. Thanks for sharing, what a good way to show how what might appear to be shallow obsessing can be so much more than that.

Queeny20 said...

No problem. Yeah I am still addicted but there is a little bit of method to my madness. LOL The more I share, the more I heal!!! Q

bigDEElight said...

Very good Q! I'm very self conscious and paranoid about my own BO as well. I'm constantly sniffin to be sure I'm all good. Good job, I think more people should explore and share the root of their addictions.

Queeny20 said...

Yes D and I hope this makes someone stop and think before they are quick to judge or dismiss someone. If only someone would have helped me all those years ago instead of turning their nose (pun intended) up to me and assuming I needed to wash. Imagine how many other problems people face that could be helped if one person took the time to look a little deeper?

In my defense, I only buy scrubs when they are on sale and I do use them. LOL Q

MissAmara said...

Aww, thanks for sharing your story Q! I think most women obsess about being clean, and smelling good- but it's nice to hear the reasons behind those obsessions.

I want you to know though, that now I am *itching* to buy more scrubs thanks to the picture of your stash lol.

Thanks again.

My Life in the Sunshine said...

Thanks for posting this! I can TOTALLY relate to childhood problems having an impact on you as an adult. I had no idea this was the reason for your addiction.

Thia may be weird, but as a woman I dont have the scrub,lotion, body oil addiction. Is something wrong with me???? LOL!!!

Queeny20 said...

@MissAmara- tomorrow I won't be sappy and I'll do a review of eac@h of them and list the scents and ingredients to help you out. *wink*

@Cai- see now you can leave me alone when I go crazy over a scrub. j/k Um no I don't think it's weird. We all have things we are drawn to. Some women are crazy over shopping for clothes, shoes or make up and I'm not one of them. Now talk about getting some scrubs at 50% or some Egyptian cotton sheets and I'll lose my mind. LOL Q

Anonymous said...

WOW i wasn't expecting this because im 17 and going through some really stressful times at school because of this. I've gone out and spent all this money just to get my problem under control but the bullying is sooooo hard to deal with!!! especially when the comments are made by some 'popular girls', now i know that this too shall pass, nothing gets me through the days but thinking of when i will finally be up and out of this school!! any advice???

Queeny20 said...

Anon please email me at so I can talk more openly and give you some tips. ((hugs)) Because I've been there. Q

TravelDiva said...

People can be so cruel. Thanks for sharing and I'm glad that you found help & solutions. I'm kinda addicted to but don't have a reason for it. Just OCD I guess.

Queeny20 said...

@TD Thanks girlie. I forgive everyone because I know it was just being young ya know. Except in the case of my family member. She is a very mean person regardless. I love her but I don't have much contact with her at all. Well I guess being OCD is your reason. LOL I'm just glad I was able to open up and hopefully help someone else. Q

Tanyetta said...

This was touching! I can only imagine how hurtful those remarks were. You should have told your moms about it, I am sure she would have gone up to the school and bust all them sassy ass kids in the mouth.

OOPS! Sorry I got carried away.....LOL

p.s. Great post Q, and I am sure this will help someone. My problem is crusty feet. Feel free to post about how to combat this problem. Thanks :)

Queeny20 said...

@Tanyetta- girl you must know my mama because she sure would have. But honestly, they were right. I think I was too ashamed to say anything to her. I mean she helped by supplying deordorant etc but the issue was much more serious than that. Oooh imma tell DJ you cussed again. Bad mommy. LOL

As for your feet. Girl use a pumice stone in the shower every night. Mix vaseline with some lotion or use pure shea butter and sleep with cotton socks and you'll be good. Shoot that's easy!!! Q

Tanyetta said...

Miss Potty mouth is here! Thank you for the advice about the crusty feet.