4 Weeks ago

4 weeks ago I greeted you as you walked into the house. You gave me a big hug and a smile.
Today I only have memories of you.

4 weeks ago I fussed at you for not wearing your seatbelt. You told me not to worry about you dying.
Today those words are all too real.

4 weeks ago you and Thomas went out shopping for kicks.
Today I can only look at those sneakers and not your face.

4 weeks ago you made us breakfast and gave me a big hug and smile before I left.
Today I wish I would have hugged you a little bit longer.

4 weeks ago you were only a phone call away.
Today I can't hear your voice.

4 weeks ago I never imagined you would not be here.
Today the reality is, you are gone from us.

I don't know why you didn't call us. We would have talked with you. We would have tried to help you. I was angry and sad at the same time. I felt like I had failed you. I feel there was something we could have said or done to make this day, these words not even be a reality. This pain is crazy. My head is spinning and I have no more tears. I think about what you must have been thinking and it hurts my heart to the core to know you were alone and I couldn't help you.

It is my prayer that God who is the creator of time was able to freeze it right before you entered into eternity. Right there in that moment He came to you and welcomed you into His arms. I pray you are there, happy, at peace, far away from the worries and the pain that made you go away.

I pray that when the time comes for me to go home to heaven, you will be there to great me, to hug me and give me the same smile you gave, 4 weeks ago.

RIP J