Gone but not forgotten

I received this email from my friend Danielle the other day and wanted to share:
This Friday (9-28) marks two year's since he went to heaven, please ensure everyone takes time to squeeze their kids a little tighter and never ever take for granted that tomorrow will come!

Danielle

Her beautiful son Cavion died of cancer 2 years ago yesterday. I was one of the first people to see him when he was born. I was pregnant with Bria at the time. I can't even imagine losing one of my babies. I am grateful to have known Cavion and I look forward to seeing him again in heaven. Q

Why?

The first time I saw this pic of Nailah Franklin and read about her disappearance I knew in my spirit she was gone. But I prayed I was wrong. Today my initial reaction was confirmed. All I want to know is why? I know people are killed everyday and I ask why about them also. What makes a person just decide to kill someone else? Is it a spur of the moment thing or is it on their to do list like get up, brush my teeth, kill someone? I can't even imagine the pain her parents are going through right now. I know I love my daughters to death and having something like this happen to any of them would darn near kill me. I hope when people look at this picture of this woman, they don't see some stranger. I hope they see their mother, daughter, sister or friend and realize we have all got to do what we can to make this world a better place. RIP Nailah Franklin Q

Full moon

Today I saw the moon. It was full and looked as if it was sitting right on top of the mountains. Like I could reach out, grab it, and put it in my pocket. I just stared as I drove. I felt drawn to it. I wanted it. To have on those days when the light is just too much.

I could just take it out and place in the sky causing the sun to retreat and the darkness to fall. Just so I could be alone with my thoughts, with my emotions. I could walk outside in the darkness and no one could see my tears. No one could see my pain.

The moon has just enough light to see my way around but not to much to show all of my flaws, the things that are so evident when the sun is out. Q

Only one more day!!!

Jill Scott's new album comes out tomorrow and I can't wait. I don't know who is more happy, me about getting it or Thomas because he is sick of me counting down the days. Last night he said "yeah 2 more days, man I can't wait until 2 more days get here", lol!!!! Tuesday will be a good day. Q

Why I love him so much...

This morning I awoke to the most beautiful sight. Thomas was standing in our bedroom and was quietly moving around trying to avoid waking me. I watched him as he opened the drawers to find some socks and then went over to the closet to get some clothes. He closed the door to the bathroom so the sound of water running would not wake me. Then he slowly eased out of our bedroom closing the door behind him. Off he went to make breakfast, wake up the girls, feed them, pick our their clothes, turn on the t.v. and wait for me to wake up so we can all go to church together. To some it might sound strange but for us, it is something that we do every weekend. You see he gives me a break and allows me to sleep in because he knows day in and day out, I am the ones who fix the kids breakfast and lunch. I am the one who picks out and irons there clothes. I am the one who fixes their hair. I am the one that drives them to school and takes care of the conferences, field trips etc. So on the weekends, I don't have to do any of that.

I love my husband because he doesn't subscribe to the roles society tries to place on families. Yes he is the head like he should be but he doesn't ask or expect much. He loves me just as I am. I do some things that others might look at and say "if that was my wife, that wouldn't happen" but for him, that is why he loves me. He allows me to be me because he knows that I love him for him. We have a mutual respect for each other and we are secure in our love for each other. I do things for him that others don't see and wouldn't be able to do like I do and vice versa. Even now when I am nowhere near the size I was when we got married, he still loves me just the same and never makes me feel bad. He acts as if there is absolutely nothing wrong with how I look but still encourages me because he knows I have a goal in mind.

There are times when I want us to do something and he doesn't quite see it but he trusts me enough to support me. What I love the most about him is not what he gives me or what he does for me, I love him because he loves the Lord more than me. I can't remember a day going by I have not seen him studying his bible. He loves the Lord and God is first in his life and I love him all the more because of that. Because I know if he puts God first, he will always do what's right for me and the girls.

This was even more evident to me the other day when we visited our daughter Trey and her daughter at the hospital. I don't know most people let alone me who could forgive and still love someone if they did all the things she has done to us. As we drove home he even said he considered taking her back in but knows he needs to really pray and seek the Lord about it. That touched me because he put his own feelings aside and is willing to do what thus says the Lord. He is not ashamed about his relationship with Christ. He once got offended when someone commended him on being faithful to God because in his eyes, that is how we are supposed to be. I love him because I know Jesus truly lives in him and he strives all the more to be like God.

So Thomas if you are reading, I know I don't always tell you because we are just like that but I LOVE YOU so much. You are the best husband in the world and I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else. You are the kind of man I pray every woman is blessed to find. You are the true example of a man of God, a husband and, a father. Thank you for always putting God first and me second. Thank you for serving the Lord and loving me like Christ loves the church. Thank you for putting up with me and all my crazy ways, and loving me just the same. Thank you for choosing me as your wife. Thank you for all that you do and just for being you. I am so blessed to have you as my husband and my friend. You encourage me to be better and I love you for it. I love you. I love you. I love you. Q

Go SIT DOWN !!!!

That is the phrase I have using a lot lately when people irk the heck out of me. They really need to go sit down somewhere and take a chill pill or some other meds and get their mind right. So here is my list of people who really need to sit down stat:

Kanye West- for someone who raps "did you say something, uh unh you can't tell me nothing" you sure take how others view you seriously. So what if you don't get any rewards as long as you think you are great why does it matter. People didn't believe Jesus but he didn't throw tantrums. Mr. West- GO SIT DOWN

Britney Spears- Too easy but seriously I probably see you more it than your kids. Please GO SIT DOWN and stay at home with your kids!!!

O.J. Simpson and the news people who keep talking about him- please GO SIT DOWN

All the stupid people in the Jena 6 situation- So many people were wrong when it came to this story. It is more than black or white, it is about respect and doing what is right. GO SIT DOWN

Amy Winehouse- She really needs help and I pray she gets it before she becomes another Kurt Cobain. Please GO SIT DOWN and get some help.

Some myspace people- Please stop inviting me to be your friend when I don't know you. No I don't want to hear your music or view half naked pictures of you. Ladies please stop showing your tail on this site for men who if they respected you, wouldn't add you in the first place. Please GO SIT DOWN.

That's all for now but I am sure I will add on to this list in the future. Q

I'm too fly to be depressed....

But I am. I have been feeling like this for almost a month now. Everything makes me sad. I don't know what is wrong with me. You wouldn't know it if you saw me because my hair is still fly, I am still looking kaa-uutte and I do all that I need to do everyday. But inside I am crying.

I know it is spiritual more than it is emotional but I admit I am afraid of what lies ahead. I know I am moving into the next level in my walk but taking the first step is hard. So instead of doing what I need to do, I am suffering. I know it is only a matter of time before my hard-headed self lets go and do what I need to do. But for right now, I will just deal with my sadness. Q

When it rains it pours....

This morning I took Bria to an appointment to see the doctor about her foot. She was born with clubfoot and wore a cast as a baby and later had corrective surgery. As time went on, I figured her condition would get better but it hasn't. Her right leg is shorter and smaller than the left. Her right foot does not have an arch and it is about a half a size smaller than the left. She has been complaining about pain in her foot and she walks with a slight limp. We got a referral to an orthopedist but her primary doctor pretty much let us know that he/she will probably suggest surgery in order to stretch her leg and get it to catch with the other.

I already began preparing in the event it does happen but I am also believing in God to work a miracle for my baby. I also know that sometimes His miracles come in the form of using other people like a surgeon. I will most likely quit my job and stay at home and home school Bria until she is able to return to school. I was just really hoping her days of going back and forth to appointments were over.

Then later today, I got a phone call from my daughter (not biological) Trinasha. See this post here . She had her baby today, a little girl and wanted us to come by and visit. No I never updated on the situation but as you can see, it hasn't gotten too much better. A part of me would like to go and just pour out all my love. The other part is weary because of all the hurt and pain I went through. I want to be there but I am not ready to let her back in completely.

Tonight we went to the State Fair so the kids can ride and play games. I was actually feeling great until my phone rang and it was my dad. At first I didn't answer because I was trying to get the girls settled but then he called again so I knew it was important. He told me that my 95 year old great-grandmother passed away today. Tomorrow is also my grandfather's birthday (her son whom I never met). I was sad but at peace at the same time. It amazes me how one soul came into my life and another one went on to glory all in the same day. I just need time to process everything. Q

Finding the balance

Today I was talking to a guy who works at the local bakery when he said to me "you know life is all about balance". My eyes got big and my mouth dropped open because I was thinking the same thing the other day and knew it would be the topic for this blog today. With anything, balance is the key to maintaining whether it is how you eat, how much you work out, how much money you spend or watching tv, you have to find the middle ground.

Although the statement makes sense, it is easier said than done. I know this first hand because going back to work I am balancing my family, kids, homemaking, friends, qt with my dh, working out, a side business and everything under the sun. Too little or too much of anything is not good. You have to find that middle ground to make it work.

It is hard for a person like me because I stress a lot and there so much I want to do. Even while I sit here typing, I am thinking about a million other things. I am working hard on finding the balance in my life. In my mind things are set and done in a certain way but I know balancing it all means sometimes settling for less than perfect. That drives me crazy!!! I am just praying and believing God to give me peace and to help me accept that I can't do everything and I can't be everywhere for everybody. I need to realize it is okay to go to bed with dishes in the sink, or clothes not folded, or the carpets not vacuumed. It will be there tomorrow and I can do it then. It doesn't make me a bad mom if the kids eat leftovers or I forget to buy more bubble bath. I just need to find the middle ground and know that I am okay. Q

My new water bottle

Yesterday I went to Vitamin Cottage after church to get some castor oil and some other products. Me being the shop-a-holic that I am came across a really neat water bottle. It is made of a glass-like material so don't get a plastic taste from it leaching out in your drink. I got the purple one. They also had smaller ones for the kids and since I had my crew with me, they each got one too. The bottle is a little pricier than your regular bottle but it is was worth it to add one more thing to make sure my family and I are a little healthier.

I like it because on the side it also has measurements in ounces which helps me keep track of how much water I am drinking. It also has a cool flip cap and the drinking spout rotates. The website is www.enviroproductsinc.com Q

Weekend recap

After the crappy events that took place during the week, I am glad to say my weekend was a lot better. This past week I actually remembered to bring my mp3 player to work so I can listen to my songs and the local radio station. They have a station here that don't play a lot of the music I like but they do have some really good topics and I enjoy the discussions. While listening, they began to play my song "Bed". I was so excited because it was my first time hearing it on the radio here that I decided to call.

At the time I called they were giving away tickets to a new club named "Seven". The female dj answered and she remembered me from myspace and gave me vip tickets for me and 9 of my friends. I was thinking "I don't have 9 friends". I have friends but there isn't too many I actually hang out with. I thought about it and decided to call Kristi and El. They are both members of my church and are all around cool women. Thomas looked at me funny when I told him but I figured I would go and listen to some good music and head home.

When we first got there, it was kind of boring. The vip tickets I had also came with champagne. I don't drink but I think a small glass of wine or champagne is fine so the girls helped themselves. After about 30 minutes, the dj from the radio station (Dana) arrived and the dance floor started to pick up. Our section was above the dance floor so I went down to dance with a group of girls. Dana spotted me and we spoke, hugged, and just laughed. I danced off to myself most of the night until Candy, the other dj tried to show me up but I broke him down and he kept it moving!!!

Afterward we week out to eat at the Village Inn and just had some good convo. I didn't get in until after 2 and I knew I would be tired because I still had to go in and work. Fortunately for me, work went well and I was in and out in about 4 1/2 hours. Then I headed home, crashed, and later ordered pizza. Dana invited me to come back to the club but that is really not my scene. But I will keep it in mind if I ever want to get out, dance, and be around some cool people. Q

Body for Life week 2 complete

So this is the week I step up my workouts to really see some results. Thomas already noticed I am slimming down. I haven't weighed myself yet and won't until I have 4 weeks completed. I went out to eat with some friends and I substituted the fried chicken for grilled, and had a salad instead of fries. I am enjoying my free day today with pizza and cookies. Tomorrow I will be right back on my healthy eating. Take care Q

FYI- Pet Peeves

Here is a top five list of things people do that irk the heck out of me:
1) Lying- I will admit I have serious issues with people who do this. I am not saying I have never lied. I am talking about people who lie for no reason at all.

2) One uppers- You know the person who always has to out do you with a story. If you broke a bone, they broke 50 etc. Most of the time they are a combination of pet peeve #1.

3) Lazy folks- People who are always looking for a hand out but don't want to get up off their behinds and do anything.

4) Non hand washers- Just nasty, nuff said

5) Woe is me-ers- Here you are feeling good about yourself and they come along and make you want to jump off a darn cliff. Keep all that negativity and sadness to yourself. It's like nothing good ever happens to them.

I have more but these 5 work me the most. Q

More good news!!!!

http://www.comcast.net/sports/index.jsp?cat=SPORTS&fn=/2007/09/13/762303.html&cvqh=tis_bills Q

About darn time!!!!

http://www.comcast.net/news/index.jsp?cat=GENERAL&fn=/2007/09/13/762690.html&cvqh=itn_bush Q

494- Carat Diamond

Can a sista get broke off with a couple carats please? http://www.comcast.net/news/international/africa/index.jsp?cat=AFRICA&fn=/2007/09/13/762585.html&cvqh=itn_diamond Q

I wish somebody would

Darn shame I tell ya http://www.comcast.net/news/national/index.jsp?cat=DOMESTIC&fn=/2007/09/13/762682.html&cvqh=itn_girlhanging

I love this quote...

My girl Meka had this on her myspace page and I just had to post it here:
"Pay no mind to those who talk behind your back, it simply means that you are 2 steps ahead"

Whew this spoke to me today!!! Q

Now I am ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update on my friend situation: Thank goodness I have vonage and it keeps a record of all my outgoing and incoming calls. My so-called friend, stayed at my house a couple of months back when I was helping her with another situation. I remember her making some calls to her mom. I was able to get her mom's number and get in contact with her.

Yes she did move back to Texas. No she wasn't going to tell me. Then she tried to get smart with me when I shut that down real quick. My reason for calling her was to tie up some other loose ends and I needed some information only she could provide. Fast forward a hour or so and I now know she was lying. She is not answering my calls so I leave her a message. I get a phone call from her family member, who was now giving me the real information.

Not only did she lie to me, she lied to them, and she lied to them about me. Anyone who knows me knows, that lying to me is a big no no. But lying on me and trying to put my name through the mud will get you cut!!! Yeah I said it.

So right now I am just thanking God for deliverance and praying He can calm me down because right now I am so angry I could hurt somebody!!! Q

Trey Songz - Cant Help But Wait - Video Premiere -

I had the privilege of seeing Trey Songz in concert back in July. He performed this song and I loved it the first time I heard it. I love the video and the message because too many women are being used and abused in relationships and they should know they are worth more. His album drops October 2nd. Enjoy Q

I am in total shock

Today I went to visit a friend of mine whom I hadn't seen or heard from since before we went on vacation. I had a feeling something was going on with her but I just gave her time. I know there have been times in my walk where I did not want to be bothered or I just kept to myself. Sometimes I was just not feeling like being bothered, other times I had backslid and was ashamed. Either way what happened today, shocked me to the core.

As I drove up to her apartment, I knew in my spirit she was gone. Her car was not there and the outside of her apartment looked weird. The sliding door was open and I noticed the blinds on her windows were torn, some were missing, and it just didn't look neat and clean like she usually kept it. I knocked on the door and a young lady answered. I asked if "S" was there she said "no, she moved". I said "okay" and walked away.

I am in shock. This is someone I have loved like a sister. Her kids called me auntie. I was there for her, went out of my way for her. Now I wouldn't change a thing I did for her but for her to up and move like that, hurt me. She could have called. She could have sent me a letter. I should not have found out like that. I don't know what she is doing. I don't know if she is still here or if she went back home to Texas. I don't know if she and the kids are okay. I am too shocked to be hurt right now. I don't even know what to do. Yall pray for me. Q

Body for Life update

I have completed workouts 7, 8, and today I did 9. I need to continue to work on my eating habits. I don't eat the wrong things but it is the lack of eating I need to work on. I am going to really up my cardio next week too. Take care Q

I have the power!!!!

One of my favorite cartoons growing up was He-Man. As the show progressed they introduced a female character by the name of She-Ra. That is her in the picture above. He-Man was your normal everyday man who when he raised his sword and said "I have the power", would transform into this unstoppable super hero. That is the story of my life.

I am very open about my past. I share the good, the bad, the ugly, the downright stupid, and embarrassing. I do so not to get sympathy or to bring attention to myself. I do it because the more I share, the more power I have.

There is nothing anyone can say to me that I haven't said to myself. I was and am my own worst critic. I used to feel like I was unworthy, worthless, and a disgrace. I had done too much stuff, I hurt too many people, and had been used way too much to be worthy of love. That was until I finally accepted Jesus and everything change.

Like She-Ra I am now armed with a sword that gives me unstoppable power. Ephesians 6:17- Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. I have the power, that is the word of God which has released me from my past. The old things I have said or done or been through no longer apply. They have lost all power and cannot touch me. I still have people who knew the old me and try to keep me locked into the past. I just smile and keep it moving because I don't know the person they speak of.

I am armed with a sword greater than the world can imagine. Hebrews 4:12- For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13- Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. I have already confessed my sins and moved on from my mistakes. Every time I read and absorb the word of God I gain more power. Every time I share my story, I gain more power. Every time I share my testimony, I gain more power. I have the power over the story that is my life. I have the power and overcame my past. I have the power to know my past does not define me. I have the power and there is nothing you can do about it!!! Q

Who Is Sara Baartman? Every black woman should know her name

This is powerful!!! Q

A little about me

Favorite color: Purple
Favorite Basketball player: Vincent Lamar Carter (Vince Carter)
Favorite Sports Team: Yankees and Knicks (yeah and what)
Favorite Number: 8
Favorite Movie: Silence of the Lambs
Favorite ice cream flavor: Butter Pecan
Favorite soda: Dr. Pepper
Favorite Holiday: Easter
There you go. Q

The song that is in my head

"Bed" by J Holiday Q

Man, I was really hoping for a better outcome

http://www.comcast.net/sports/index.jsp?cat=SPORTS&fn=/2007/09/11/760586.html&cvqh=itn_billsplayer

When it all falls down

Last night I watched the VMAs. Like most of America, I was interested in seeing Britney Spears perform. Although I am not a fan of hers at all, I was pulling for her to come out and give a great show. Sadly I was disappointed.

It never amazes me how quickly people turn on you. Britney was once America's pop sweetheart and now everyone is ready to toss her to the side. I can't imagine being in her shoes but I know how she feels. The only difference is my faults and my slip ups aren't caught and put out there for the entire world to see.

Lately, I have not been feeling like myself. I have been stressed, moody, mean, crazy, you name it. I have decided to step back from some things and just spend time with Lord and getting back to the Queeny I know I should be. I am the first one to admit when I am wrong and when I have fallen. It is times like this when all I need is the prayer of those who love me because I know with God I will be able to get back up. Q

Body for life week 1 completed

I didn't feel like boring anyone with a long list of my workouts so I just decided to post when I complete a week. One down, 11 more to go!!! Q

What cd are you listening to?

I am listening to "A Beautiful World" by Robin Thicke. I actually like this one better than the current cd he has out now. This guy was seriously slept on. So what are you listening to? Q

What would make you happy?

I must confess I was a little depressed last week. I don't know what it was but I didn't want to talk to anyone and I think I scared my husband. He of course asked, was it him, was it the kids. It was neither. It was me all me. Of course I prayed and looked real deep and found the answer.

I wasn't happy because I feel trapped and restricted. We have been living in NM going on 6 years and I don't like it anymore. It was cool at first because the kids were young and I was focused on them but now that they are older, it is time for me to spread my wings.

I need to live somewhere a little more exciting than this. My husband loves christian hip hop, I like r&b and we both like sports but there isn't a professional team here. We very rarely get decent acts and if we want to see a game, we will have to travel out of town. I know I was sent here for a reason and I am very grateful but now I think it is time for us to move on.

My husband was notified that he was on the cross training list so there is a strong possibility he will be going into a new job and we will probably get orders. We talked last night and he is going to update his dream sheet with possible choices. Right now our top choices are VA, NC, and TX. I know it will be at least a year before anything happens but in the mean time I am already preparing for it. Just the thought of it makes me happy and gives me hope.

What about you? What will make you happy and what are you doing about it? Q

Why I don't like kids

So today I decided to wear my fitted tank to work out in. Here is what happened:
Kaliyah: Mom your belly almost looks like you have a baby
Me: Thanks Kaliyah but I don't
Kaliyah: But it looks like it
Me: Wow thanks for hurting my feelings
Destiny: Mom, I think you look pretty.
Me: Thanks Destiny
Kaliyah: She's pretty but she looks like she almost has a baby. Look look at that right there (while she points to my stomach)
Destiny: Kaliyah that is so rude. Kaliyah you don't almost have a baby, you either have a baby in your belly or you don't. Mom doesn't have a baby her stomach is just a little big that's all.
Kaliyah: That's what I was trying to say.

Gotta love em. Q

Body for Life day 2

Today was going well until my supervisor decided to bring me some Baby Ruth's. I stayed on track and continued on. I still need to eat a little more because I forget to eat throughout day. Anyway for my cardio I did 20 minutes of Turbo Jam.

Oh and I am def feeling my workout from yesterday!!! Q

Body for life BABY!!!!

Today I officially started the Body for life challenge. I had done this program in the past and got great results but never was able to finish. This time I have a group of support people cheering me on and keeping me accountable. Last week was supposed to be my official start week but I wasn't there mentally. I went through the motions but I didn't give an all out effort. I still managed to lose 2.5 pounds. But now I got my mind right and I am ready for my body to follow.

Here is what I did today:
Chest
Dumbbell Bench Press- 12 reps 5 pounds
10 reps 10 pounds
8 reps 13 pounds
6 reps 15 pounds
12 reps 13 pounds
Dumbbell Bench Flies- 12 reps 5 pounds

Shoulders
Seated Dumbbell Press- 12/ 2 pounds
10/ 5 pounds
8/10 pounds
6/13 pounds
12/10 pounds
Side Raises- 12/ 5 pounds

Back
Dumbbell Rows- 12/ 5 pounds
10/10 pounds
8/13 pounds
6/15 pounds
12/10 pounds
Dumbbell Pullovers- 12/ 5 pounds

Triceps
Seated Extensions- 12/5
10/10
8/13
6/13
9/13- I could only do 9
Tricep kickbacks- 12/5

Biceps
Standing curls- 12/5
10/10
8/10
6/13
12/10
Hammer curls- 12/5

On to day 2!!! Q

Wait for me

If it seems as though I don't do or say the things God wants me too, wait on me. God is not finished with me yet. This is what I got out of this morning's sermon. It is so easy to point the finger or get discouraged when we deal with people. Even more so when people see me as a minister. They have in their mind this picture or idea of how I am supposed to be, how I am supposed to act or speak. But I like you am simply growing stronger in the Lord everyday.

Everyday is a new I get closer to Him. A new day for me to get stronger and wiser. If I knew it all, I would not need Him. But I don't so I do. So instead of looking at my flaws, see the beauty of God in me. See the blessings and the anointing He has placed on my life. See how far He has brought me from and pray for me. I stumble, and I fall, but I get back up and keep on moving.

Wait for me. There is so much more to what God has in store for me.
Wait for me. There are so many more things He has for me to do.
Wait for me. There are more trials, tribulations, and tests for me to overcome.
Wait for me, as I wait on Him to appear and say Well Done!!! Q